Michael Scarn, well that's an interesting story. He was once the best secret agent in the business. That was years ago. Where is he now? Well, that's also an interesting story. Master Scarn. I'm up. It's the president. He needs you for a mission. Tell him I'm retired. It's Goldenface. Goldenface, this makes it personal. Scarn, you're right on time. It's your old enemy, Goldenface. He's after the NHL All Star Game. He's hidden a bomb somewhere in the stadium. Scarn, this one is personal for me. I own the stadium. I can't see it blown up. It's my retirement plan. We have to search the stadium. Not so fast, Goldenface has taken all the concession stand workers hostage. Scarn, will you find these hostages, and save the game? Heads I do it, tails I don't. Best out of seven. [flips the coin] Heads. [flips it again] Tails. Heads...Tails...Heads...Tails. Well, it looks like there's going to be a clean-up on aisle five. Well, the hostages were scared. Don't you guys get it? Nobody's coming for us. Oh someone's coming alright, the only man who would care. Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then... I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good. Well, the All Star Game was three days away, so naturally it was all sold out. The only way Scarn was getting in was in a uniform. Just one problem with that, Scarn didn't know a hockey stick from a Slim Jim. So he went to meet with the famed trainer... Cherokee Jack. Mop the ice. I'm not here to learn how to mop, I'm here to learn how to play hockey. Mop it. Now take this. What am I supposed to do with this? Mop. Well, Michael Scarn was quickly becoming one of the hottest hockey players in the country. Each year, the National Hockey League selects one civilian amateur to play in the All Star Game. It's down to the three of you. The final test is speed skating. On your marks, get set... DIE! Nice try Goldenface, but you forgot one thing, to kill me. I wasn't trying to kill you, I was trying to slow you down. No! Oh by the way! Yeah? How's your wife doing? Congratulations Hey, you came in second. Not bad either. I am sorry that I have to do this... Huh... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm intercepting a name. Jasmine Winsong. She works for Goldenface. What I can't figure out is, who is the Funky Cat. Not who, what. The Funky Cat is the hippest Jazz Club in town. Oh-The hostages are under the stadium. Jack Blaise. You have to let us go Goldenface! We have families! Ha! This is gonna show them that I mean business. See ya! Ha! Michael Scarn! Sorry about your friend, Scarn! The joke's on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist. We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb? Hm? We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb? Hm? We've searched the wh- ok...He said, where is the bomb? In the puck! Why are you telling me this? Because I'm going to kill you. Hey Goldenface. Yeah? Go puck yourself! Noooo! More Tylenol. You've already had four. You're lucky to be alive. It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back, and balls to kill Michael Scarn. Let's just make sure that everything's... Working properly... You just said the bomb... is in the puck? Yes... Is that where you hid the bomb Goldenface? But why would you blow up the stadium? You OWN the stadium! For the insurance money! I knew it all along! I'm too depressed to save the big game Billy. I'm gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows.Hey kid! Hit G-9 on the Jukebox No Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died. There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn. Well my name's Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do The Scarn in You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! If doing The Scarn is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on Earth! Michael! You have to get to that puck before halftime! Or the whole stadium will explode! I know, it's a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on! Cherokee Jack? Michael he died. Please Goldenface, let us go! Cherokee Jack. I want you to take all of your frustrations, with women, the system, with everything. Take it out on the puck. All on the puck. Yah! Hey! We got sports games again! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh- Some breakfast for me [shows a plate of bacon and eggs] and some breakfast for you. I'll get it! Man I love being retired! Scarn here! Michael, it's the president. Hello sir. I need you for another mission. Ugh...I'm in. THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT