⣿⣿⣿⡇⢩⠘⣴⣿⣥⣤⢦⢁⠄⠉⡄⡇⠛⠛⠛⢛⣭⣾⣿⣿⡏
⣿⣿⣿⡇⠹⢇⡹⣿⣿⣛⣓⣿⡿⠞⠑⣱⠄⢀⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟
⣿⣿⣿⣧⣸⡄⣿⣪⡻⣿⠿⠋⠄⠄⣀⣀⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣭⣓⡽⡆⡄⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
⠄⢨⡻⡇⣿⢿⣿⣿⣭⡶⣿⣿⣿⣜⢿⡇⡿⠟⠉
⠄⠸⣷⡅⣫⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣙⢿⣿⣿⣷⣦⣚⡀
⠄⠄⢉⣾⡟⠙⠶⠖⠈⢻⣿⣷⣅⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⡆⠄⣤⡀
⠄⢠⣿⣿⣧⣀⣀⣀⣀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡎⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇⠄⠈⠁
⠄⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢇⣎⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶
⠄⠄⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢟⣫⣾⣿⣷⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟
⠄⠄⠄⠄⢮⣭⣍⡭⣭⡵⣾⣿⣿⣿⡎⣿⣿⣌⠻⠿⠿⠿⠟⠋
⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿⣿⡿
⠄⠄⣀⣴⣾⣶⡞⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⡿⠃
⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⣹⣿⣳⡄

Top 5 JerkOff lotions

Vaseline - Something you might find lying around your house, Convenient easy to use.
*(May cause balanitis as its a petroleum-based product)
9/10

Dove Lotion - Pretty smooth almost use this on a day-to-day basis. smooth, fast, and
efficient.
9.5/10

Peanut Butter - Makes yo ♥♥♥♥ feel creamy and soft and jerking off with it is a pretty relaxing experience, Make sure to get the one without chunks as they might slip down your urethra
10/10

Razor Blades - This is for sigma males ONLY, It Might make you circumcised if you aren't already idk.
itsbleeding/10

Liquid Uranium - Uranium melts at 1100c so you're going to need to figure out how to get to that temperature, but other than that its a pretty fire experience, might give you superpowers or an extra ♥♥♥♥ or two

⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⠘⡿⢛⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⢻⣿⣿⠃⠸⣿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⢀⠼⣛⣛⣭⢭⣟⣛⣛⣛⠿⠿⢆⡠⢿⣿⣿⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠸⣿⣿⢣⢶⣟⣿⣖⣿⣷⣻⣮⡿⣽⣿⣻⣖⣶⣤⣭⡉⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⢹⠣⣛⣣⣭⣭⣭⣁⡛⠻⢽⣿⣿⣿⣿⢻⣿⣿⣿⣽⡧⡄⠄⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣌⡛⢿⣽⢘⣿⣷⣿⡻⠏⣛⣀⠄⠄
⠄⠄⠄⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠙⡅⣿⠚⣡⣴⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄
⠄⠄⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⣱⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠣⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠑⣿⣮⣝⣛⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄
⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄

⢸⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⡷⠀⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠢⣀⠀⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇ Are you winning son?
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠖⠒⠒⠒⢤⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀⠀
⢸⠀⠀⣀⢤⣼⣀⡠⠤⠤⠼⠤⡄⠀⠀⡇⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠑⡤⠤⡒⠒⠒⡊⠙⡏⠀⢀⠀⡇⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠇⠀⣀⣀⣀⣀⢀⠧⠟⠁⠀⡇
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠸⣀⠀⠀⠈⢉⠟⠓⠀⠀⠀⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢱⡖⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⢺⠧⢄⣀⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⡇
⢸⠀⠀⠀⣠⠃⢸⠀⠀⠈⠉⡽⠿⠯⡆
⢸⠀⠀⣰⠁⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠀⠀⡇
⢸⠀⠀⠣⠀⠀⢸⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀
⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⢇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡇⠀

- I own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended.

- Four ruffians break into my house.

- "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and

Kentucky rifle.

- Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man.

He's dead on the spot.

- Draw my pistol on the second man. Misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbor's dog.

- I have to resort to the cannon at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot.

"Tally ho, lads." The grapeshot shreds two men in the blast. The sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.

- Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.

- He bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are difficult to stitch-up.

- Just as the founding fathers intended.

♥♥♥♥ that. You know what the greatest feeling in the world is? Some people might say ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with the bathroom door open, but I'll go a step farther. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with the bathroom door open and looking directly at the kitchen (ideally from a powder room connected to the kitchen). It's the brute, primal feeling of saying "this is a sacred place where I store and prepare the sustenance I need to survive, and I'm going to defile it by ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ while staring at the pristine holiness of it, just because I can." Masturbating in the kitchen is the same feeling, the feeling of being so in control of your life and all you survey that you would willingly commit a vile act on hallowed ground just to prove just how on top of the food chain you are.