Recent reviews by xXDick_Lvr69Xx

here are the best moments of my 1100 Hours of cs go

>rank your smurf Silver 1
>Headshot
>get called a hacker
>mad comment on your profile

>rank your smurf Silver 1
>teamkill the loud 9yo russian guy for blocking
>enjoy his deathstare in the first 10sec of the next round until he can move and shoot again
>get a awp headshot instantly
>enjoy his 7 days ban
>get a toxic comment on your profile

>rank your smurf Silver 1
>hide in a dark corner to ninja
>get yelled at you "♥♥♥♥ knoob why no shoot"
>ninja while 4 enemys are still alive
>get a 4 +reps on your profile and ingame

>15/3/2 Stats
>mailman rings
>come back
>kicked

>rank your smurf Silver 1
>micspam darude Sandstorm
>hear "dududududu" screams for 3 min
>people get anoyed after 5 min
>get yelled to shut the ♥♥♥♥ up because they dont know how to mute you
>get kicked

>enemy with spinbot
>denial (this cant be real)
>anger (♥♥♥♥ this guy)
>bargaining (please let us tie this game)
>depression (why do i still play this game)
>acceptance (+forward +right)
>go afk
>hacker gets 3 weeks later vac
>hacker gets 3 weeks later on his main vac, 700 Euro Inventory
>enjoy sweet justice

>random teammate plays with wallhack and calls every enemy over voicechat
>teammates refuse to kick him
>not vaced/overwatched until today

>meet a nice random
>add him, play together with teamspeak
>get 3 rankups together
>he gets a after a month vac
>again MGE

>a friend made friends with a well known hacker in the professional coding scene
>you start mm together
>you find out he hacks obvious with spinbot even in warmup
>enjoy the game, laugh about the enemies because for once you are on the winning side
>he gets an overwatch the next day
>unranked again

>derank
>get angry, check every cheat side you know
>accept that 80£ is to expensive for revenge
>start a new match
>get an enemy who even screenshoted the esp
>80£ seem suddently like an acceptable price

>get into betting
>earn about 7 Euros of skins while ESL
>continue to bet on other games outside of Championships
>notice every team is matchfixing to earn money
>loose 3x as much
>give up betting

>start the game
>dont understand why people buy a virtal knife for over 5000 Euros
>check steam marked
>oh see a p90 module isnt that expensive
>2 Months later over 200 Euros wasted

>friend unboxed a Butterfly Fade
>try it yourself
>♥♥♥♥♥♥ 20ct skins
>swear yourself you will never open any cases anymore
>same friend unboxes again a knife
>pray to gaben
>open 6 cases
>still only garbage
>hate gaben

>make some friends
>get out of gold nova up to LE
>game isnt about fun anymore, its just about winning and the rank

>watch a professional streamer
>hop into competetive
>feel like KennyS
>until you notice you are not that good

>accept match
>4 russians in your team
>all ripped their mic out of a toaster
>they talk the whole time in russian or an other gypsie language
>you understand only "long blyat"
>hear russian moms hitting the little brother and fighting megatron while living on a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ airport
>loose 7:0
>rage quit

>4 russian enemys
>1 french typing gg in warm up
>you actually feel sorry for the baquette

>open strat roulette
>do some dumb strats
>you actually enjoy the game again
>enemys talk ♥♥♥♥ to you because they feel superior because they dont realise your complete team is trolling
>get mad and ace a round
>-rep smurf on your profile

>play on your smurf deagle only
>master it, get up to MGE
>get a crazy round with 4 lucky flick headshots
>salty comments on your profile
>feel like a hero

>spam Trilluxe to sign your profile
>get a comment
>talk ♥♥♥♥ to your friends who didnt get a signature

>see an awesome frag movie on youtube
>start the game
>warm up in deathmatch
>close the game after 2 minutes

>derank
>uninstall
>day later you install it again
>happend over 4 times

>watch a from zero to knife tradeup compilation
>try it yourself
>waste over 20 Hours trading and bargaining
>get up to an nice skin
>sell it on the marked
>make gaben rich
>buy yourself an ak you like

>open steam
>open cs go lobby
>wait for your friends to join
>check the steam shop
>see cs go is now in sale
>close game

>tell yourself just 1 more game
>suddently 2 o clock

>see a nice surf montage
>join a surf server
>fail miserably

>master bhopping
>update
>every silver scub can do it now

>join a Jailbreak server
>get killed for no reason because he thinks he is funny
>call the guard a ♥♥♥
>ban for 10 years

>smurf protection, now you can only start a mm if you are level 3
>see people in casual with aimbot
>you can buy the account later on ebay

>see somebody complaining how unfair the ranking system is
>tell him it is evil to everybody, so it is fair
>he refuses to accept he sucks
>he sends you a youtube link to his clutch
>he doesnt even deserve silver elite

>well known battlefield youtuber starts cs go
>good players boost him into ranks he never deserved
>makes a montage with p90 and bad aim
>everybody tells him he dosnt deserve the rank
>complains about the toxic community and goes back to battlefield
>i am watching you xHoho

>a friend wins cs go jackpot
>suddently his entire profile is spammed by beggars
>2 months later he is poorer than before

>game gives you anger issuse
>break your keyboard and headset
>load the game again because you are addicted

>get a mid-high end gaming pc
>play cs go
>turn down a lot of the settings to get a visual advantage

>play cs go for 500 Hours
>play battlefield 3 again with a friend
>constantly 30/4 and higher k/d

>about to lose a game
>buy p90 kevlar and rush
>win the game

>puts more effort into this game than into school
>no ragrets

Das Spiel an sich ist unbalanced und bockt selbst mit voller Prematelobby nicht. Die Bewertungen lügen nicht, Spielspass ist nicht aufgekommen. Selbst die Positiven bewertungen sind fast alle unter 15 Stunden Spielzeit. Ich bekomme permanent spam Emails, obwohl ich das Spiel seit einem halben Jahr nicht gestartet habe. Es reicht nicht sie in den Spamordner zu verschieben, da die spitzfindigen Entwickler nähmlich den genialen Einfall hatten für jede Email die sie senden eine neue Adresse anzulegen.