I. LOVE. VAR. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in ze morning, you get into your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down ze street in his Porsche. "Class Var." You make it to vork, und you find out that ze annual drug test is today. Und you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. "Drug Var." But vhen, you find out that ze only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. "Race Var." Then, you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat's right und what's wrong. "Flame Var." You finally get home, und you decide to relax by vatching a program about: "Who gets ze box?" "What's in ze box?" "How much is vhat's in ze box worth?" "Storage Vars." (chuckles) (Gustav Holsts - "The Planets - Mars, the Bringer of War" starts playing in the background) What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one zhousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over ze years, ve are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I vant a simple var. No Class Vars, no Drug Vars, no Race Vars, no Flame Vars, and certainly, no Cold Vars!!!!!