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In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the
cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat
could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
-- Schrodinger's Moggy explained
(Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)

😩
Never tell. Not if you love your wife ... In fact, if your old lady walks
in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm
tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck `Lay
On Top Of Me Or I'll Die'. I didn't know what I was gonna do..."
-- Lenny Bruce

🤗
Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when they grow up,
they won't be able to edge a car onto a freeway.

🤤
Bubblegum: Bender, you can talk trash, you can handle the ball,
but look in your heart and ask yourself: are you funky
enough to be a Globe Trotter? Are you?
Bender: