To:
EMISSARY OF HUMANITY
TWELFTH AND A HALF STREET,
APARTMENT SEVENTY BEE
MANCHESTER,
PLANET MERCURY

FroM:
THE DESK OF PILOT
UNION TRAIN STATION,
CITY OF EUREKA
PLANET EARTH

DEAR PRINCESS CAPTAIN,

PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES.
I COULD NOT LOCATE PLATFORM NEGATIVE TWENTY AND FOUR QUARTERS.
I LOOKED EVER SO HARD FOR IT, BUT I GUESS MY WIZARD POWERS JUST WEREN'T ENOUGH TO DISCOVER IT.

I DID LOCATE PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS, BUT THAT WAS DEFINITELY NOT THE ONE YOU'VE BOARDED THE ADVENTURE TRAIN FROM.

PLATFORM NINE AND THREE QUARTERS DID HAVE A DECAYING ANTIQUATED RED-SCARLET ENGINE TRAIN AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF BLACK ROBED SKELETONS WITH SILLY POINTED HATS, STRIPED SCARVES AND FELINE BADGES THAT WERE CLAMBERING ABOARD.
EACH OF THEM HAD A POINTY STICK OF VARIOUS SIZE, WHICH DISTRACTED ME FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I WANTED TO FIND THE POINTIEST STICK OF THEM ALL FOR THE PURPOSES OF POKING SNIPPY WITH.

I ALSO FOUND A WONKY METAL TUNNEL-DOOR LEADING TO UNDERGROUND AUTOMATON METRO PLATFORMS THAT WERE GOING TO ALL THE NECESSARY AND UNNECESSARILEY PLACES.
HOWEVER, THEM MECHANIZED TRAINS WITH FACES WERE IMPOSSIBLY HARD TO BOARD BECAUSE THEY WOULD STOP FOR NO-ONE. THEY UN-POLITELY AND GRUMPILY FROWNED AT ME AND TOLD ME TO GO AWAY BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE A TICKET.
WHEN I REFUSELED TO GO AWAY AND DEMANDED TO SEE THE FAT CONDUCTOR, A SCAPULAR SECURITY-CATERPILLAR CLOMPLED ME UP, GAVE ME MUCH STATIC SHOCK AND SHOVED ME OUT OF THE METRO.
I TRIED TO TRICK THEM BY DRAWING A MONOCLE AND MOUSTACHE ON MY FACE WITH A PIECE OF COAL TO APPEAR MUCH DASHING, BUT THEY WERE SMARTER THAN THAT AND SAW THROUGH MY ARTISTIC DISGUISE AND KEPT THE DOORS LOCKED.

PLEASE WRITE BACK WITH DIRECTIONS OF WHAT TO DO NEXT.
I AM OF MUCH SAD : (

THIS TRAIN STATION CAFETERIA SERVES ONLY HOT DOGS AND CARROT JUICE AND THE LINE TO THE BATHROOM IS FAR TOO LONG FOR REASONABILITY.

SINCERELY,
MOST CORDIALLY,
WITH VAST RESPECTS,
YOUR MOST COMMITTED EMPLOYEE,
PiLoT