amazing

Update 2:
It’s been 8 hours since the first incident. I’ve taken refuge inside an abandoned RadioShack, feeding on expired protein bars and using old routers to jam government tracking signals. My powers are evolving. I can now levitate small objects just by picturing them in my mouth. The helicopters have switched to silent mode, circling like vultures. I hear boots crunching outside. They know I’m here. My only option is to attempt “Full Reverse Maneuver,” a dangerous technique that could either boost my power beyond comprehension or implode my ribcage. If you don’t hear from me again, tell my story… and my flexibility… to the world.

too be continued

Update: Just escaped from the pentagon, the government is sending all their military forces to pursue me, my life is currently in extreme peril. They attempted to strip my ability to suck my own penis but I created a shockwave to blast away the researchers before they could touch me. This is bad, I have exhausted all my chromosomes and now I have to hide and replenish my energy while the patrol helicopters fly over me.

indeed it is the 9th of January

it is the 9th of January