She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers


For years I have been perfecting the Do The Mario dance. I have managed to perfect the movements of a schizophrenic drunkard and perfectly sync it with music, however I have yet to discover the secret of Lou Albano's teleportation technique, I shall never complete my art if I cannot adopt his abilities. Has all of my hard work just been for nothing?

Somebody save me from the dark labyrinth I have lost myself in. It's cold, Lou Albano's voice taunts me, his words "just like that" echo constantly, he knows I have not perfected his sacred dance, I am a failure in his eyes.

God has left me unfinished.