> Be me, dedicated support player in Dota 2
> Queue up with friend for some epic duo lane action
> Friend says he's got a "new strategy" he wants to try
> "Alright, let's see it," I say, ready for some epic team synergy
> Friend picks Dark Seer, smugly
> OhNoHereWeGoAgain.jpg
> Game starts, I'm pulling out all the support stops
> Wards, healing, denies, I'm on fire
> Look over at friend
> He's 1v3, diving a tower at level 2
> MFW he gives first blood
> "Don't worry," he says, "I got this!"
> He doesn't got this
> 10 minutes in, he's 0-7-0
> Team's flaming, I'm facepalming
> "Why did you even pick Dark Seer if you were just gonna feed?"
> "It's part of the strategy!"
> MFW his "strategy" is feeding the enemy team
> Game ends, we lose
> Friend: "Next time I promise I'll do better!"
> There won't be a next time buddy

I saw this guy at a grocery store yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

I met this guy in a bakery, and he stomped my ass flat and shoved me under a doorway. I'm glad I paid in advance for his services, it's hard to find people who will cater to such a niche fetish.

I payed this guy to clean out my swimming pool, which he took to mean, and I quote, "drill a hole in my backyard and dump gallons of raw sewage into it," unquote. This is wrong, I just wanted him to ravage me anally, so I'm calling to ask for a refund. I also need that hole filled in, but I'm glad that he found that skeleton that was spying on me.

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