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https://i.imgur.com/1Tgt7HF.png

lmaonade xd

I’m not gay. I AM straight. I love titties, vaginas, and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (of girls). I love to have sex with the girls with my penis. Gay people? ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ awesome. But I am not one of them, no I’m not.

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The Hell are you looking at?
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Guy comes to a surgical ward.
Doctor: So what's your problem?
Guy: I think I am a moth.
Doctor: But this is surgical ward, why didn't you go to psychiatry?
Guy: Well, here it was lit up.

Description: SCP-1305 is a mammalian organism, with an ovoid body and six multi-jointed legs. It has one large, flexible jaw located on the front of body, containing a long tongue and SCP-1305's lure. It weighs approximately 150 kilograms, with a height of 2 meters, although it is known to be able to contort and compress its body to fit in spaces 1/16th of its size.

When active, SCP-1305 will attempt to hide itself in a dark, enclosed area, such as a cupboard or closet. When it has hidden itself sufficiently, it may release a "lure" at the end of its tongue, most commonly resembling a domesticated animal such as a domestic cat1.This lure will usually display behaviors expected of the organism it is imitating, and attempt to bring human subjects to SCP-1305.

monch

Today, I saw my 7 year old son playing minecraft as usual. But when I looked closely at the computer screen, I was lost for words. Yes. My son did utterly the most deadliest sin you can ever do. He kept a cow surrounded by fences outside his house. But the door was open. He didn’t even close the door and before you knew it, the cow escaped. From this day forward, I am utterly disappointed with my son.

I’m married and have a 4 year old so sex needs to be done in window opportunities. Whatever channel the TV is on in the background is what it’s going to be. Food Network is the hardest to have sex to by far. So if for example Guy Fieri Triple D comes on and I hear “we’re going to Seattle for some funky BBQ fish empanadas” while having sex my brain is “yes sex! But those empanadas sound crazy...dude focus on sex....that’s a ♥♥♥♥ load of jalapeños, that would give me heartburn for a week....Ok back to focusing on the sex....oh ♥♥♥♥ he’s going to a bbq pit in Austin next that does burnt tips in white cheddar Mac and Cheese!!! I gotta wrap this up”

cool profile pic :o

sick profile pic

tfw Smores is on your team
http://i.imgur.com/7zCHHg8.jpg