here are some phrases that i like

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones
Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding
I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ act like it.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
The 8 most scary words in english language "I'm from the goverment, i'm here to help"
When God gives you lemons... find a new god
But isn't one word worth a thousand pictures?

feel free to plagiarise like i have