I swear any time I go to a pizza joint or really any place that happens to serve pizza there's some uppity new yorker there turning up his nose at the pizza because it wasn't made within the borders of a particular American municipality. "You call this pizza?" Yes, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. We do. Everyone does. Everyone except you, because you're from New York city and because a bunch of ♥♥♥♥ got dumped off the boats in your city a million years ago that means you are automatically the world's foremost authority on what is and what isn't a good slice.

"Ehh not bad...not New York pizza, but not bad". That's about the closest to a compliment you'll get and you can tell it EATS THEM UP to admit that other people besides New Yorkers make good pizza. And the worst part? People go along with it. They'll smile and laugh and say kiss ass ♥♥♥♥ like "well NOTHING is like New York pizza". YES THERE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ IS.

What even makes New York pizza so special? The fact that it's thin crust? Whoop dee ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ doo almost every pizza place in the country outside of maybe Chicago does thin crust. Is it the fact that they dont put on as much sauce? Guess what, if you get pizza from a place that puts a lot of sauce on their pizza and you dont like that, you can say "easy on the sauce" and they'll most likely accommodate you. Is it the fact that a single slice contains enough grease to lubricate an entire factory floor worth of heavy machinery? Maybe. Who the ♥♥♥♥ knows. And if you ever say anything less than worshipful praise of their stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pizza these NYPIDF ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ will backpedal and say "oh you must've gotten it from the wrong part of town, you gotta go to Mario Mama Mia Spaghettucci's in the alley behind the Rite Aid on 34th and 2nd that's REAL New York pizza" ♥♥♥♥ YOU just admit that other people make good pizza and get on with your miserable life

Shutting down google would be such a big military undertaking you might as well just waltz into the Pentagon and say "this is mine now"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J1JZi8c6lA