Recensioni recenti di Grape Ape

the Guns are working kinda odd... on the Fire at Will, the guns dont even fire when the enemy is either right infront of you, or behind, so I have to turn the ship to odd angles to get them to fire couple of times before the ship forcefully redirects itself to where the guns dont fire again. Maybe a bug or Glitch?

For review now... GET THE GAME!! GET IT... NOW! JUST DO IT!!!

Seriously, its worthwhile.

...Play this game and give it a good rating, or I shall send you into the Darkness with the next group!

No scarier words said, game is really creepy, and you WANT to favor a hero, but the game has a built in Unexcpected Deaths, like a Mountain Goat to the cooch bad... you CAN Customize your heroes, and even make some from scratch if you got the programming skills.

Hold one second... Someone send that damned Jester whos banned from the brothel into the next group! I need more gold!

Sorry bout that... The game has its ups and downs... downs being if your party dies (which I seen much of, and saw to of such cases) that all inventory and gold collected is lost, but the upside being, there is always plenty of Fresh Fodder to throw into the grinder to make you rich!

Pure Capitalism! Make their pain your profit! Of course for... hint of a tiny spoiler maybe. Keep that Crusader and Highwayman alive for sake of an achivement. But rest are just dead weight and meat.

You know its always funny, when your Abomination causes your healer a heartattack and dies... it never gets old... but still it comes to the bottom line with them... is this group going to make you money to improve your estate... or are they just dead weight.

Okay, here is the skinny.... Mercenary Kings... I give it a good 9/10

it has the old school sidescroller feel to it, like Metal Slug series, Einhander (PS1 game, look it up), the Original Contra series, even in a sense of Castlevenia. I love these old fashioned arcade style graphics, and if you have a controller, its going to make you feel like a kid again (Ahem, assuming of course you where alive back then), the Music it gives, and its overall atmosphere. The options for guns is pretty damn nice, and you can make funky looking toys out of them, I havent gotten far (yet), so Im curious if I can make a Flamethrower with a SMG stock, or a Rocketlauncher to look like a pistol... the thoughts are there. well enough blather there, so I will give what I FEEL is the pros and cons (please let not my preception judge your decisions)

Pros:

Classic graphics, so its friendly for simpler systems (no not the original MAC, Microsoft, or Apple computers.. Get with the times!)

The Music is pretty fair, not the best, but it fits the game style

Missions are pretty straight forward, no annoying long winded speeches (Aint no one got time for that!)

Its not a total bullet hell, but enough to get your reflexes up (Keep away Ikaruga! you crazy!)

Okay... and now the Cons... (and I dont mean the one sitting next to you, the guy whos reading this on a plane)

Music, as I said is fair, but can make your head ring some with the repetition. (like your crazy mother-in-law whom screams alot)

Controls are sticky at first until you get used to it then it gets easier.

Some minor graphic issues (IE Helecopters blades on base is floating, not connected)

Well thats all the pro's and cons there is to it, so its fun, and enjoy it!

Lets see... Good game? Yes.
Is it system friendly... Indeed it is, unless your using a Model-T model with the Green screen.
Music aint so bad, shame you cant play Metallica with it, or Slipknot.
The Guns are worth it so enjoy, or you can just slash and hack stuff with whatever (Flamethrowers Rule).

whats fun is trying to build a homestead for colonists whom pays you rent... well enough there.

Sorry if its a short review, but I dont have the words for more.

Heyooo! Welcome Vault Dwellers to another of my reviews! No I dont have a Youtube channel! Thought of trying it once, but people got sick, and CDC had me start wearing a bag over my head.

BUT STILL!!! First a show of hands, when you got frozen in carbonite... I mean Cyrostorage, whom here pressed your ass against the glass at the last second, because it was funny? ...n-no one? well damn.

So! Walking out into the big bad world, rising up to the surface world after a nap, and watching your special happy friend get his or her heart turned into that pudding you got stored in the back of the fridge... and need I remind you... watch your first step! someone left a big pile of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ where your about to step.

You get home and find out, someone cleaned your home! that is unless you actually CLEAN the place.... Then it looks like Detroit on a good day.

There you shall meet Cogsworth, your ever so loyal Mr Handy (He doesnt do that! Put your pants back on!!! sicko...)
And you two hold hands and skipped to the lou of another house to find Roaches the size of dogs (bite your head off man), and Flies that will do more than flop around in your soup. (eeeew), of course pray that Codsworth doesnt notice your wearing a dress (Hey no judge bro, gotta express yourself), and then you go off on a whirlwind adventure. Such as...

Running from disaster!
Trying out new clothes!
Shooting guns at nothing and whooping while doing it! (might want to look behind you...)
Waiting for a Train at the Station! (its 200years late... Someday!...)
Taking a dip at a luxurious pool at one of many fine hotels! (since when you grew a third arm?)
Taking the sights at many of destination spots!
No traffic when going to the Drive in theater! (their drinks are to die for!)
and much more!

If you havent experianced the wonders of the Post-Nuclear Boston... Visit your local VaultTech to reserve your spot at Vault 111!!



-------Paid for by Vaultech corperation, Boston Mass, USA-------

....Long ago (Bout a few minutes really), a Hero came to the harsh lands of Skyrim... Only to get hit by a cart carrying prisoners.... so enters your deluded adventures of drunken debauchery, Skooma smuggling, Moon Sugar snorting, and overall being a total ♥♥♥♥ to the world, and maybe getting some luving from Lydia, or Mjoll the Lioness (and Aela too if you got the mods to do it), Welcome to Skyrim! Land of Oppression and Oppertunity, much like Cuba without the guns... Oh ♥♥♥♥! Incoming AK Mod! *Ducks!!!* okay, more like a... ummm third world country? Wander the land, finding odd herbs to chew on to see if it 'benifits' you, or hurts you... makes me wonder what the townsfolk think when they see a guy (or gal), picking flowers and licking them? But anyways, your the main character, to be a savior of the people... or that drunk person puking all over that jerk that goes to the cloud district often... (Hey, it was 298,781 times!) Make your weapon of choice if you can, sling spells (like Sophia's attempt of vanishing clothes spell mwahaha).

But seriously... Skyrim is the game to get, I mean its litterally REQUIRED for gamers to have, much like how some people would have a bible, or anything that people hold sacred. Sooo here is the pros and cons


Pros-

Fun game with only small number of bugs, and rare crashes.
Open world activities and events
Gives you a great excuse to not shower for weeks on end because your distracted!
Its customizable to add all kinds of fun stuff! (Macho Man Randy Savage dragon!)
Get to have a friend in the game (sorry reality, you been replaced!)
Have a 'Relationship' with spouce of choice (you can go both ways, Oooooh myyyyy)
You decide the fate of skyrim... more or less
Music is nice to listen to.
Combat is fun and spontanious, keeps you on your toes!
and finally the game is very VERY User friendly....

Cons:
Bethesia should of kept adding stuff to the game (BAD GAME COMPANY! BAD!!!)
Game is kinda bland if you dont add fun stuff to it (like hothtroopers armor collection)
Not many choices of companions at times (GET 3NPC MOD as well as Sophia!!)
....Cant shove a pike up some people in games backside when they deserve it (a guy can dream right?)
The Companions guild... needs something more, cant explain what.
Thieves guild, really needs alot of love in making the Guild better (when full it looks still kinda empty)
And Dark Brotherhood, well could use love there too (like get more recruits)


But still the game I give a 10/10... and if you do NOT get Skyrim, then obviously your better off playing a game like... farmsville, or games of that nature. Boring and dead.

This is my review, the game is great, love it quite abit. Being a Former EVE Online player, and multitude of other games I got in my own collection, The controls for this is very simple... for I will admit, I am no pilot! I am the only person in the world whom can crash an aircraft on takeoff!

But the controls are easy, and I love it.

Okay so here are the pros that I can safely say: for one, 19 bucks for the game is a bargin compared to other games, such as Elite: Dangerious (I tried it, cant fly), I like the trade system in the game, cause lets face it... repairs can suck at times, and drains the living hell out of your coffers. It doesnt hurt to dabble in it afterall, suppliment your income to ensure your vessle is in combat shape? why not right?
Another is the combat system, The turrets, the Turrets! Oh how wonderful it is to be able to set the turrets how you wish. Leaving you to focus on defence, Sub Weapon systems (EMP Flak for the win), and the broadsides! while the turrets can rip the little fighters apart (they suck at times). the Manuvering is very smooth if your comfortable with the standard Keymotions from MMOs, you know the ASDW.

Okay, time for the Nitpicking;

the Cons;

Ship content; I was told by a Dev (Thank you by the way) They will adjust ships to better suit how each is to stack up, so no one size fits all vessle... But still, we could use more ship types. even have Fighter Crafts of our own, even Bombers (For you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ crazy aces out there, you know who you are), And maybe JUST Maybe, look into adding Multiplayer content, like conversion option for Single or Online version. Some people wanna rub other peoples faces into their afterburners afterall, and some are lone wolves in a sense.

Mercinaries: Well not really judging, but would be nice if there was more of them to choose from, its like... each part of the space you go to, its sometimes the same pilot sitting at the bar (Stalker much?), So be kinda nice to have to hunt down your fav merc, and make them worthwhile to hang onto (rather than rehire them later in the game just to keep up with the enemies in the area)

Factions: Needs a hint more love, maybe more factions?, and of course adding stuff for the factions to do (stuff that can affect each galaxy?) So Devs if your reading this and not vomiting from my pretty sad review. Take a moment from giving yourselves a far well deserved pat on the back, and look into Factions. Then Add and Fluff (and polish them out), it would give you ALOT more stuff to do, and would (hopefully) get alot more people to buy it

So all and all in a Nutshell (if your still sane after reading this, grats, if not... I heard the Jello in the institutes is nice),

The Game is great with next to no complaints, great soundtrack (be better if you can change the channel at times), Good content, and player control. I highly recommend getting this game...

Oh by the by, for you new players out there... hire a merc, they are a real help!


-----Spoiler alert!-----

THE CAKE IS A LIE!!

Get it, Play it, and see if you like it... if it doesnt tickle your funny bone, no big loss... if it does... enjoy

Do not get... Controls stinks badly, the UI is very user Unfriendly, there is no english transilation, other than the already there, and the they did it lazily... hell its a half-assed job of a game...

Ha! Woke up, with a hole in my head, Doc told me I would have been dead, I tried to get up, but fell outta bed.
Squeezed a Machine and told me I am mean, so I ♥♥♥♥ on the couch and drooled like a fiend, took out I am skilled, but some ♥♥♥♥ I never seen.

Walked out of his house after looting the place, screamed like a ♥♥♥♥♥ when a robot got in my face. Super Freaky that thing is, and laughed when he saw the puddle of piss...

Went to the Tavern and saw a girl named sunny smiles, took me out back and had me shoot some bottles.
Quite a shot I turned out to be, Gave me some ammo and told me where to be.

I have no clue why this rhyme is here... so shut the hell up and play this you (Censor)!!!