Thank you for buying the illegal drugs on the trading floor

I sold this guy some cocaine at a party and little did he know it was just flour and he came back to buy four more bags hahah what a ♥♥♥ bellend

You aren't going to believe who's beautiful!!!!
Read the first two words

I was doing some blow with this weird ass old man, I normally don't do that but it was free blow so I was like screw it. This man starts talking to me about how he regrets having his kid who has Downs syndrome and how big of a failure he was and how ugly he was. I mean, the ass hat wouldn’t stop talking about how ugly he was, and I thought it can't be that bad. So after the 7th line of blow I couldn't take it anymore and I just wanted him to STFU so I told him to show me a pic of his kid. I kid you not, he looked like his parents were honey boo’s mom and Osama bin Laden and his grandparents were Susan Boyle and Steve Buscemi. I told the man to never have kids again and knocked him out, taking the remainder of the blow and snorting it with his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ crack prostitute of a wife. I later looked this grotesque kid up and it turns out that this is the kid. Please let this kid be a poster boy to the pro-abortion movement.

See I had this meh looking ass piece of meat ready to jump on my mandingo and ride that ♥♥♥♥ all night (AW YEAH BABY ) but as I was walking out and telling the ♥♥♥♥♥ to pay for the cab or she could hit the streets, this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ came up to me and said "hurr durr please don't ♥♥♥♥ my mom". It turns out that this retarded kid in a wheelchair sneaked out during the night and started to look for his mom (this happens every weekend because the mom is a thot) and the hoochy mama I was gonna pump and dump had to push him home because he has really small arms and used all his strength to go to all the clubs she's usually out and being a hoe at. So I went home and felt bad about the kid having a mother like that, I phoned up a local escort service saying I wanted a retarded escort in a wheelchair in honor of this retarded kid. It turns out that the skank I banged until she couldn't walk anymore (to be fair she couldn't walk to begin with) was actually this retarded kids sister.

Believe it or not, this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ actually got raped one time when he was going home from his goatse-class. The rapist must have been blind or something because this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ (he's actually retarded irl) is the ugliest mf I've ever seen in my life and I've seen his siblings. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you that this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ probably has aids and scabies so stay clear. If for some reason this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is in your proximity, drop eveything and run as fast as you can as he is a known sex offender (that's how he lost his virginity) and he will not stop licking your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ just because you say so. BEWARE