Hey 🤔 Guys, 🤷 so 😳 my 😬 atheist 😑 neighbor 😡 keeps 😤 throwing 💥 black 🕳️ holes 🌀 at 👊 my 😇 christian ✝️ gorilla 🦍, so 🤨 after 🤔 this 🤯 I 🤦 went 🏃‍♂️ to 🔜 his 👨‍🦲 lawn 🌱 when ⏳ he 😒 wasn’t 🤔 watching 👀 and 💩 pooped 💩 and 💩 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 💩 on 🖕 it 😬 to 😤 assert 👊 dominance 💪 but 😐 he 😠 saw 👀 this 🤯 and 😲 threw 💥 a 🤷 black 🕳️ hole 🌀 at 👊 me 😳 so 🤷 I 🤦 asked 🙋 him 🤔: I 😬 have 😑 a 🤨 question ❓ to 🤷 you 👨‍🔬 atheists 😑: If 🤔 you 😒 go 🚶‍♂️ to 🚪 your 🙏 prayer ✝️ room 🏠 once 🕐 a 🔄 week 📅 and 😳 see 👀 that 🤔 your 😠 science 🔬 book 📚 is 🫥 missing ❓ and 🤔 instead 🔄 you 👨‍🔬 find 👀 a 😲 bible 📖, would 🤷 you 🙋 read 📖 it ❓ also 🤷 I 😬 asked 🙋 him 👨‍🔬 what 🤷 the 🤔 atheist 🙅‍♂️ god 😬 is 🤔 but 😡 that 🫥 made 😠 him 😠 so 🤬 angry 😡 that 🤷 he 😤 shot 🔫 a bullet 🤔 in 🫤 my 👀 butt 🍑, anyways 🤷‍♂️ I’m 👀 in 🤕 the 🏥 hospital 🛌 rn 😬.

Yo 🤯 guys 👋, so 🤔 my 😤 vegan 🥬 flatmate 🏠 keeps 🤨 sneaking 🕵️‍♂️ into 🚪 my 🙄 room 🛏️ at 🕒 3 🕒 AM 🌙 to 🔄 replace 🚫 all 🤬 my 🥓 bacon 🥓 with 🔄 tofu 🤮, right ❓? So 😡 I 😤 got 🫵 sick 🤢 of 😠 it 🖕 and 🤷‍♂️ decided 🤔 to 🔄 retaliate 🔥. I 🤦‍♂️ went 🚶‍♂️ to 🔜 his 😒 meditation 🧘‍♂️ corner 🪷, took 🫰 his 💎 crystal ✨ collection 💰, and 🤯 arranged 🛠️ them 😏 into 🔄 a 🌀 pentagram ⛤ while 🎤 chanting 😤 the 🎶 McDonald’s 🍟 jingle 🎵 backwards 🔄. Anyway 🤦, he 🧘‍♂️ walked 🚶‍♂️ in 🔛 on 🕵️‍♂️ me 👀 mid-ritual 🔥, screamed 😱 “CARNIST DEMON” 👹, and 🤦 threw 🪣 a 🥬 kale 🥤 smoothie 🥤 at 🔛 my 🧠 head 🤕. I 🤸 dodged 🕴️, but 😬 the 🥤 smoothie 🍃 hit 🔫 my 🐕 dog 🐕 instead 😳, and 🫨 now 🤯 the 🐶 dog 🐕 only 🔄 barks 🐾 in 🤔 Sanskrit 📜.

So 🤔 then 🔜 I 🙋 asked 🤷‍♂️ him 🧘, “If 😈 plants 🌱 have 🫂 feelings 🥺, does 🔄 that 🫵 mean 🤷 your 😡 salad 🥗 is 🥹 screaming 😱?” Bro 🤦 lost 🤯 it 🤬, threw 💥 his 🧘‍♂️ yoga 🧘 mat 🧘‍♀️ at 🫵 me 🧍‍♂️, and 🤯 now 🔄 I’m 🚫 banned ❌ from 🌍 Whole 🍎 Foods 🛒. Anyway 🤷, long 📖 story 🗨️ short 📉, I’m 🤔 currently 🕒 hiding 🙈 in 🔛 my 🚽 bathroom 🚪 while 🕒 my 🐕 dog 🐶 teaches 📚 itself 🫵 yoga 🧘‍♂️ poses 🤸.