Listen here, bucko. I spent my covid stimulus on a bunch of leather bound books in an attempt to look smart and maybe even learn how to read. You keep up with that lip I'm coming up north with a u-haul packed full of them books and clocking you in the chin with each and every one of them. Watch your words or the only spine you'll have in life is the spine of this unopened copy of the art of war and other classics of eastern thought, you broke back ♥♥♥♥♥.

dont be hatin'

How about that mcdonalds bathroom?

Knock knock, it's me, Mr. Harvey Rhymestein, here to collect those bells you owe me, I'll assume you're not home because you're farming red snapper/selling your body to raise the funds to pay back my loan.

hi i miss u too i hope you're doing well. xoxo

you are my wife

thx merry xmas son

LOL I LOVE IT

when i was 8 i drew this comic about two girls kissing and my mom was out raged and i thought it was because my art wasn’t good enough so i kept trying to draw girls kissing and she sent me to therapy and my therapist tried explaining homosexuality to me and i didn’t even know what that had to do with my art skills

*whispers softly* u-um….maybe can somebody get me..a. uh…nice cool uh… ummm…. *starts shaking* g-glass of pool water? i just uh….*sweats* think it would uh… uhmmmm…b-be very refreshing right now….. t-thank you……

*at maximum volume* you want that pool water with piss or no piss?

oh! uh.,. um… Uhh!!! uhm …. *starts vibrating so fast steam starts coming off of me* w-with p…p-p……with p-………………………………………………….
P L EASE…………

is that your mom

Bratwurst :D

Schnitzel mit Pommes :)

Thhhnnnncxxxx emmmie

remember when you were innocently minding your business in 2008 and 3oh!3 dropped the iconic ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ line “tell your boyfriend if he says he got beef that i’m a vegetarian and i ain’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ scared of him” that was a transformative moment in everyone’s life

das a spicy meat bull

yay meat balll woooooooooooooooooooooo

https://gfycat.com/NegligibleUnhealthyAdamsstaghornedbeetle saw this thought u'd like it

Doodle - Today at 9:36 PM
i disturbed my family this morning
we were watching the birds in the garden and my stepdad said he dug up a patch of grass so there'd be more worms
i said if a bird ate something that had gotten bad and he got worms would he have to feed himself to his family


Sushi - Today at 10:03 PM
please tell that story to emily shed love it

I'm going to taste test your poundland ♥♥♥♥

happy thanksgiving -turkey

im so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mad i unplugged the receiver for my old wireless mouse and plugged in the new one and i didnt even ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ think about it and i guess my brain went “OH A DELICIOIS SNACK” i just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ate and swallowed my wireless mouse receiver i want to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ die oh my god
on TOP of all this i still cant even get my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mouse to work

can i pee on ur pants?

wish granted ur ugly and diseased

one time when i was like 6-7 i was hanging out with a friend on a see-saw, and he told me a joke so funny (god i wish i could remember) that i lost control and pissed myself.
but i was on the up side and so my pee stream trickled down and wet his pants and i couldnt stop laughing as i watched it happened.
even when he noticed i had peed his pants and got off, sobbing, i couldnt stop cackling. i hit the ground and rolled off, giggling and probably still pissing myself.
i peed someone else’s pants…. i never saw that kid again. sorry kid.

i was at the dollar store and i carefully picked up an orange gatorade and went “sexy boy….” because i thought no one else was around but it turns out i was WRONG
i know because i heard a quiet “what the ♥♥♥♥ bro” from the next aisle over

I was in a group interview for a petsmart once, and this girl who had bullied me at our past job was there. We were all told to go around the circle and say why we wanted to work there. All of us sensible folks answered with generic interview stuff like “I love animals” and “I admire the help this company gives to shelters” and all that… then the bully spoke up.
Her answer,
I ♥♥♥♥ you not…
“I have a reptile fetish.”
The silence after that statement… the hopelessness, the confusion, the despair in that silence, it fundamentally changed me as a human being. I witnessed cosmic justice at its darkest and its coldest. The universe is powerful, the universe is vengeful, and the universe is merciless.

God, I wish that were me.

Male Morning Sickness?!?!?!?
ok heres my problem. whenever i get up in the mornings, i feel fine for a minute. then i typically take out my retainers and head to the bathroom to get ready and then get dressed. usually as soon as i take out my retainers, i get really nauseous. like i feel like im going to throw up. i gag and gag, but i never actually throw up. its really weird. and my stomach just feels awful. and it keeps doing this until i leave about 30 minutes later. but as soon as i leave, its like its gone, and i dont have this problem any other time during the day. my friends all joke with me and tell me im pregnant, but seeing as how im a 17 year old guy, i dont quite think thats possible :)
does anyone have any idea whats going on?

i love you

When I was seven or something I went to a cheap store like pound land and they were selling bags of mystery toys and my sister I and could get one thing. So I choose the bag, inside the bag was three pieces of broken chalk. I was so sad.

Mukbang (from Korean: 먹방; meokbang; lit. "eating broadcasting") is an online audiovisual broadcast in which a host eats large quantities of food while interacting with their audience. Usually done through an internet webcast (such streaming platforms include Afreeca), mukbang became popular in South Korea in the 2010s.

+rep homosexuaaaaaaaaaaaal

happy birthday, mcmuffin. god bless. -grandma

Daddy, you were there for me from the day I was born, always having my best interests in mind. You are one of the most important people in my life and I love you with my whole heart. Happy birthday, Daddy!

More wishes and quotes: http://www.wishesquotes.com/birthday/fathers-birthday-wishes#ixzz4mFkW41ES

HAPPY EMILY

I think we have to poop

one time my dad gave me a glass of milk and i meant to ask him “who’s milk is this” because i wasnt sure if it was for me or if i was supposed to give it to my brother but instead i just stared down at the milk and said “who’s this”

then my dad turned to me without missing a beat and said “that’s your new friend mr. milk.” and we stared at each other and then he asked me if i was high

to this day i still have not lived it down

your sticker terrible compared to mine

kinda hoe story: i just made myself squirt for the first time and it almost hit me in the face

am i lady gaga

He is a lesbian lady Gaga fanboy I scammed his knife in csgo so were like good ggwp

is that lady gaga

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class.

After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two assscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

If she is not sending you signals, keep it to yourself. Women are like road maps, all the signs are there if you're patient enough to read them.
If not, get out and ask directions, one of your friends or hers might know.

mharris1270 51 minutes ago
Joe, I think he commented in another comments section that he was six foot three inches (190-191cm). If you were asking about his "member" -- since Xiefux was obviously referring to that part of his anatomy, I don't know (don't know him personally) and if I did I would say that it was none of your damn business.

Joe O'Hagan 46 minutes ago
mharris1270 nope just looking to know the height haha

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　|　３　 | 丶＼ - Hang in there!
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Happy Mothers day daddie