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So clearly, I had to look into alternative options. I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can’t contain guys, so it’s not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.
I considered traps. I’ve long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let’s consider the 5 base premises:
a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he’s with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay
a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some ♥♥♥♥, that’s gay
a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn’t know it’s a trap: that’s lesbian, and is gay
a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it’s a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement. The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.
So how about a girl soloing? Well that’s a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.
My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.