Recent reviews by ham

UPDATE: I have hence completed the game by investing an extra thirty minutes. That was ten minutes of gameplay and twenty minutes of fixing UE4's fatal errors. That's right - the game literally died.

Does not change my review, you are safe to proceed.

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This one is definitely a mixed bag - 5/10. Came for the game, stayed for the atmosphere.

I have not completed playing this game yet, but I got pretty sure I would forget the first few levels by the time I was done with the last. Not because there are a lot to play through, but man if it isn't a drag.

Here's the thing, the atmosphere and animations are 10/10. I have not seen such sets and attention to detail in a lot of other games. However, the sets themselves require interaction, which bring the shoddy filler textures to the spotlight. Thanks to the 2/10 camera, you will never have any idea which parts of the set are meant to be interacted with in order to progress, and which ones are background fillers in the foreground. The animations are definitely 10/10, and depicts almost accurately what the interactions are meant to result in.

That being said, the mapping is 4/10. I'm not whining that the game did not hold my hand - just that there are no diegetic hints as to how you need to progress. I'm still unsure whether the cluelessness is supposed to add to the heart-thumping moments, but it gets frustrating very quickly.

The 7/10 checkpoint system isn't too bad, the game often takes you back to the beginning of the "sequence" - either a puzzle or an evasion, for the most part. However, because of the cluelessness, it gets pretty frustrating to make it through the same chunk of the sequence again and again and again. If you get through this game without a walkthrough/guide/dying multiple times, you are lying.

There is no story so far. You have to escape a set of very weird nightmares, and you keep going on and on. All the NPCs are ♥♥♥♥♥, and they will grab your tiny body out of thin air. Their hitboxes are weird as well, but the objects seem to have more predictable meshes to interact with.

The game is a rough draft of a project, and there is not a lot of polish. The first minute of my playthrough had my character be swallowed by a pipe/vent because she stood up inside it. I was confused whether it was a part of the game, and the loading screen confirmed it wasn't.

5/10. Smash that like button. Give me an award. Get the game if you want to. Go read my reviews. I don't care.

Is this the popular free-to-play battle royale MMO arena shooter formerly known as Cuisine Royale, with the funny cigars and pansexuals?

Doesn't look like it at all.

FAIR WARNING: The game is amazingly broken on macOS, to the point where you cannot get past the menu. I had to make use of Boot Camp, install Windows 8.1, and it worked fine.

The first thing you will notice once you boot up Barotrauma is that you are in 2D.

And then, BOOM - once you join a server it is just complete chaos. Ragdoll physics, active missions, co-op gameplay - in Barotrauma, FUN comes first in a market where titles are being sold left and right with short-sighted profits in mind. [Generic diss at EA]. In other games you press the spacebar to jump, but in Barotrauma (spoiler warning), you actually press it to play dead! . These guys are crazy.

There is so much fun to be had, and this game is still in early access! I can't begin to imagine the 1.0 release and the subsequent community that this game will build around itself. Since the game is in 2D, I'll be giving Barotrauma a Big Boy 3D/10.

More Ham.

Shadow Blades is the best game ever, period. 0/10.

Shogun Blades is what you get when a well-written story set in Japan meets a German publisher - what else do you remember that involves Japan and Germany? Eh? (World War I?) EH? (WORLD WAR II?).

Shogun Tactics is the opposite of war - other people fight while you eat popcorn sushi and plan the best way to sneak through enemy base camps and Fulton- I mean, use samurai weapons - to eliminate the Russi- JAPANESE SOLDIERS! These Metal Gear Solid V references are really getting out of hand. I don't know why I have to write [show hand with overflowing jokes], but ALRIGHT. >:(

In Shogun Blades, you are no hero. You are FIVE heroes, each with their own abilities, pros, and cons. And in this blueprint simulator, you plot the best course of approach, and press Mouse1 to execute hat-heads.

9/10, ♥♥♥♥ the camera controls.

More Ham.

I love games that aren't energetic whatsoever.

Now sure, every now and then, I get onto a FPS lobby in an adrenaline-filled rush and go on to either chain kills or my deaths. Either way, the high passes and I'm left alone in the trough of my hormonal state again. This loop kept happening until I found this game.

TLD, unlike various other games of this genre, isn't about finding a quiet, peaceful moment to reflect on your inventory or base-building. In this game, there are wolves, blizzards, and steep cliffs - yet, in this game, the Big Boy Boss that you are fighting is the sense of peace.

And the sound design - ah, finally. I discovered that whenever I play a game, I love getting off it and not being partially deaf for a few minutes. Turn off the music, get into Hard mode, and wear a pair of headphones; get lost in the beauty of what makes this game The Survival Game To Play Definitively Before The End of Your Life ... Definitive Edition .... 2021. GOTY Collector's Package. The End.

Wait, this isn't Road 96 - 5/10.

Despite all the Early Access red flags, I gave The Long Drive a try simply because of the preview frames they have uploaded in their store page. Turns out it doesn't exactly look THAT well polished; maybe it will, I don't know.

From what I have seen in the shed, the devs have tried to keep animations to a minimum while trying to keep freedom of utility to its maximum. I watched my hands devolve into monkey graphics as I cranked a music box, with the music in itself being mediocre. A hare with red eyes, black skin, and larger than my character's size ran into the brick wall of my garage and got stuck; reloading my save file led to my car - the whole point of the game - vanishing right before my eyes. The equip-and-use feature being more tedious than realistic.

There are tiny little details about this game that snowball into making it feel like a huge janky mess - in early access, too! Keeping an eye on it just because I'm in love with the concept.

More Weak.

[v0.645]:

The game is nowhere close to being any kind of polished, 4/10.

I played through the tutorial and the prologue of No Time, and I expected a lot more, thanks to the Steam reviews prior to this one. Instead, I was delivered a hot pile of disappointment, janky graphics, weird controls, and non-existent dialogue. Or rather dialogue with SFX that resembles an 8-bit version of Animal Crossing.

The gameplay is in no way impressive - the concept, however, is unique. I'll be keeping a close eye on this one; refunding for now.

Edit: [in response to developer] My graphics settings were set to the one after Normal - I cannot seem to remember if it was labelled "High", or anything else.

UPDATE: I don't suck at ArmA 3 anymore, thanks to my dudes over at Consolidated Global Front. You can join us, too!

Alright, real man talk - I have never played an ArmA game before.

I know, I know - "dude, you missed out on your childhood", "what do you mean you have never played the greatest hits of all time", and other such commentary have smugly snuggled in my noggin for the past three years. So I finally gave in to try ArmA 3 out, and ...

I suck at it. Plain and simple.

The game is ridiculously well-optimized. I often believe that if I ever get a completed game, I should get it with all the DLCs. Even on a sale, the entire ArmA 3 bundle is priced way out of my budget for any game, and so I got the base game to try it out. Love it when there is a sandbox available, love it when every simulated detail fits in place. This game looks like it has an infinitely replayable concept running; however, I play (and prefer to play) solo campaigns. I can now either get it again, YT some tutorials, and grind till I master it; or I can accept that I suck at it and never look back.

After realizing what was happening, I refunded the game at 119 minutes of gameplay. I have been fighting a battle of regret and relief ever since. Help me.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ this is a fun game. 3/10.

Heroes and Generals is a game where you play as a Hero until you pay or grind up to the point where you can play as a General. This is a true test of skill and persistence, where you are frustrated to the point you want to quit life, not just the game. Out of all the free-to-play games I've played, this one - by far - is one among the worst.

And I've played Ironsight and Fortnite, damnit!

Got 10 coins from fights? Too bad it is only actually 4, since by that point you have effectively deteriorated your weapons' builds that it'll cost more than half your earnings to fix them then and there. And they only get worse! Need a perk slot? Grind, or pay. Need a new attachment? Grind, or pay. Need an actual useful item in the battlefield that is considered essential? Grind, or pay!

Almost every tedious nuisance in this game can be solved by spending real-world money. Now, this part of the review is the only part where I am not actively criticizing the game; it is a very, VERY clever implementation of the paywall. However, you know what they say - the better the paywall, the worse off the game is.

... okay I know nobody says that, but consider that they do. I'll pay you to.

Heroes and Generals is a game you play either if you are a masochist, or genuinely wish to become intolerant to pain. You cannot even buy out the license to play the premium version of the damn game - you have to subscribe! Who in this day and age has a SUBSCRIPTION MODEL FOR A GAME WHOSE FORUM HAS POWER-HUNGRY MODERATORS THAT BAN THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PLAYERS FOR GIVING THEIR GENUINE OPIN-

The only moments you have fun in this game is when you are care-free about your loadout not breaking, or your access to actual field equipment not being restricted behind a paywall. Guess when that happens?

NEV-

Wacky enough to be a fun game of its own right, but I cannot really recommend it until it gets two coats of polish and a little bit of competitive balance. Refunded for now.
[This review is in early access, and is subject to change as the game does.]