“I will always play the same hero in 'Dota 2' and I'm not sorry

I want to be a sparkly magical girl.

Crystal Maiden is, in Dota 2 terms, a relatively simple character to play. Think of her like Elsa from Disney's Frozen, only less singing and more homicide. An Intelligence hero, Crystal Maiden's strength is in her powerful ice-based magical abilities rather than frankly unimpressive physical damage and health. Designed to support other heroes like an overqualified supernatural babysitter, her talents lie in slowing enemies and freezing them in place while simultaneously buffing allies to help them deal the killing blow.

Technically, you could stop me from playing Crystal Maiden. You could be a big ol' Scrooge and ban my favourite magical girl during the draft, preventing anyone at all from playing her. Alternatively, you could pick Crystal Maiden before me, forcing me to begrudgingly choose some other, less personally coveted hero as my inadequate consolation prize.

But know that if you do this, I will make the next 20-45 minutes a misery for you. I will hound you at every available opportunity, hunting you down like Ahab and the whale, and you shall know no peace. And once this game ends, I will go straight back to picking her. You are just borrowing her form, a transitory visitor who will soon move on. I am become Rylai, the Crystal Maiden, and I want my skin back.”