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15 of 28 (54%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 15 Oct, 2022 @ 5:43pm

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 7 Jun, 2023 @ 6:18am

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 7 Jun, 2023 @ 6:29am

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2023 @ 5:20am

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2023 @ 12:15am

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2023 @ 12:18am

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2023 @ 12:11am

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2023 @ 3:33am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2023 @ 7:49am

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2018 @ 1:35pm

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Unlocked 13 Dec, 2019 @ 10:16am

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2018 @ 12:09pm

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2018 @ 12:09pm

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2018 @ 12:33pm

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Unlocked 8 Oct, 2020 @ 3:16pm



Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+3

3 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked