Recent reviews by parakeet

Two word review: Great, but
It's X, but Y! review: It's Deep Rock Galactic, but Starship Troopers!

ok, i just want to write a whole bunch of words about videogames review:

Someone once said that once they could see a spreadsheet underlying the games mechanics, the veil was gone and the game just never really seemed fun again after that. For better or worse, I don't think that this will be a problem with HELLDIVERS™ 2.

Anyway, as you might have guessed, the framing is very similar between DRG and HELLDIVERS™ 2 - its a coop third person shooter, and you select a mission through a computer, pick your equipment through a computer, give yourself a makeover through a computer, get in a dropship and go do your thing. Here's where it diverges though, in HENTAISEXGAME™ 2 there is one mission. Well one thing you do on a mission anyway: kill stuff. Either ST bugs or knock-off terminators. You might have some stuff to click on, some stuff to collect but mostly it's very one-note gameplay.

But that's ok! It's a really great note, possibly like middle-C or something. The gunfeel is awesome, you have a huge toolkit to deal with a lot of situations, unlocks are kinda quick (so far), there's good variation in stuff you can get, from backpack laserdogs to rocket packs, orbital rail cannons to teeny pistols. The graphics are pretty great, the proc-gen'd worlds look like real places, sound design is good, the weaponry is vastly excessive for what you need it for, the coop works great and it utterly nails the Starship Troopers vibe (check out the intro vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQZ35YHKEUs).

So yeah, as a coop-TPS, it does everything it can reasonably do. It's a great game! Saying that though, even after a relatively short period in it, it's becoming pretty apparent that it kinda needs bigger variation in missions, enemy variety and basically a lot of things. And while HELLDIVERS™ 2 (rightfully) prefers weaponry and equipment which has different qualities than, for example +5% damage, and that while the battlepass system is mostly well thought out way of unlocking more stuff, the (grrr) liveservice elements really feel that they detract more from the game than add. It doesnt help that one of the (five or so) currencies is obtained at a glacially slow rate, and have seemingly meaningful upgrades. So really, while I don't think there's a spreadsheet lurking under the gorgeous graphics, I'm kind of getting glimpses of a treadmill, which doesnt seem great either.

But! HELLDIVERS™ 2 is pretty new so it could be getting a lot better, and what there is now is pretty fantastic, and xplay probably will help with longevity

One line review: Tekken8 is amazing.

Slightly expanded review: Probably the biggest leap in quality since Tekken2->3, 8 refines the mechanics from T7, adds modern controls a la SF6, hugely improves the graphics and sound, adds cross play and PvP rematches and makes the game much more accessible to boot. It also adds a real money shop, which, well, is not popular, but is also entirely ignorable.

The sound in particular is great - a blocked quick jab might sound a bit mid, but most hits sound like a damn gunshot and add a heck of a lot to the atmosphere.

The cast of characters is also diverse and fascinating, from giant hugely hard hitting war robots to a hyperfast peruvean coffee-saleswoman who likes nothing more than doging your attacks to hit you from the back, literal devils and demons, a chavvy kind of boxer, a hotheaded taekwando expert, happy shopper bruce lee, a giant championship wrestler who think he's a cat, two kinds of bear, knock-off magic Blade, a gun-toting cyro-frozen irish assassin, a french spymaster who thinks karambit knives are somehow acceptable in a fist fight, a space alien octopus robin hood ninja thing, an egyptian lady who has the literal god of war stuck in her hand somehow and a good two dozen more. More will come with DLC, ofc, but there are plenty to choose from and lots to experiment with.

The really great thing about tekken is that it has an almost abyssal level of depth, with so many mechanics, both new and old. Now this might seem like it would make the game hard to learn, especially if you're new to the series, but it's also really intuitive. You have four buttons, left and right kicks, and left and right punches. That's it! If you want to do a quick right left combo, you press right punch, then left punch. Easy.

If you have good timing, are patient and understand distancing even a little bit, you really don't even need a tutorial, it's that welcoming.

Now, all the above is really only about the PvP mode(s). SP has always been a bit thin in tekken games, but fwiw, I think it's probably at it's best here; there's the campaign which to its credit has tried to mix things up a bit, character episodes which also focus on the non-mainstream characters a bit more, arcade and arcade quest mode and also ghost battles. I guess it's alright? Tekken ball makes a return from 3, which is great, but you can't play it online for no good reason I can think of (e: you can, im just a big dummy, see comments), but the SP definitely takes a back-seat to the PvP modes.

There's also a bunch of nice touches, like how you can play as Tekken3 Jin, how the characters have rivalries and neat fight intros with their nemeses, replays which have advice when you watch them, kazuya's tits are FINALLY splashed all over the main menu*, there is the customary Tekken silliness, weirdness and ott anime moves and also Heihachi Mishima, possibly literally the most terrible person in the world, and easily the worst parent ever has died**. And then reincarnated as his own illegitimate daughter who is, if anything, even more horrifying to fight against. And she also has the devil gene that is basically the reason for everyone fighting in the first place, because of course she does.

*: Now you can choose which character you see

**: He's alive now, ofc

If you want an example of how silly it can get, here's Panda winning the tournament and then failing to deal with a chair: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dOp9YUJ_ow

I like it. I think it's great and i'm going to play some more right now. But I'm still terrible at it.

Not great. It's fun with your friends, but that could be applied to basically any game, really.

The best comparison I can make is a very barebones DRG, with only one mission type, a handful of creatures and a couple of different(ish) biomes and the same kind of tedious "isn't capitalism bad" message I could just as well experience by looking out my window. The dev seems to kinda think it's mostly done, but again, in comparison to DRG, it's so so basic. You collect scrap, avoid (or kill?) creatures and try not to die. The graphics are horrible, the procgen boring as hell (i hope you like empty rooms!) and the best thing I can think so say about it is that the sound design is pretty good.

The platonic ideal of coffee break games. About 10min or so long, easy and relaxing, jaunty music, cute cats with cute names and happy cat noises and even a few birbs. And it's free!

This is a really hard game to review! I think I'm gonna have to split it into two parts.

Firstly, gameplay. It's kinda mediocre, in all fairness. There are a lot of environmental puzzles, which are mostly opening runedoors by finding the rune(s) in the environment and focusing on them. It's not hard, by any means, and more busywork thatn anything else. That said, some of them are hidden in clever places, like having to light a fire and finding the rune in the shadows cast and so on. It also forces you to explore the gorgeous and well crafted levels, so not all bad.

There are other puzzles, some boil down to run a bit, but the illusory trickster god levels are a standout, with you manipulating the environment through looking through a circle and seeing an obstacle disappear, and then walking through the circle to find out your viewpoint has altered the level geometry enabling traversal. It's a lot better then I made it sound and really cool. Some of the later game trial levels are similar in scope, with you have to navigate a level by following the sound of water, or the rumble of your pad. I don't want to spoil them, but some of them are amazing and show some really good and unique gameplay ideas.

The combat is just kinda there. The parrying feels good, and you can parry a lot of enemy moves, but the overall it's not anything great. Apparently you can string a bunch of attacks together and combo off of a lot of things, but it's not really very rewarding in any way, or even necessary when you can parry -> strong attack most enemies to death. The enemies themselves look amazing and are well-crafted utter norse horrors, but there's not much variation, and you'll fight the same enemies a lot. The graphics and sound are top-notch even now. Senua looks great, the mo-cap is excellent, and the levels and environments are incredible.

The plot, lore, voicework and journey are also nothing short of excellent, with Senua having very real and well-portrayed personal development over the course of the game. Game narrative usually leaves me cold, but when Senua screams in frustration and anger at the gods that have failed her, or fondly remembers the beautiful day she met her boyfriend, you absolutely feel it deep in your heart. I'm kinda running out of superlatives here, but it's amazing all the way through.

That's the game really, kinda medicore with some excellent standout gameplay parts which put a lot of more modern games to shame.

So why is it so great? Well Senua suffers from psychosis, and is reportedly an excellent (and respectful) portrayal. Headphones are kinda a must for this game, because all through the game, you will have different voices telling you things. Sometimes helpful, warning you of enemies behind or telling you when you're near the solution to a puzzle. Most of them time though, they laugh at your hopeless efforts in your hopeless quest, telling you you're a failure and that your quest is stupid and unachievable. Sometimes they blame you for the death of your boyfriend, family and tribe, sometimes they mock Senua's apparent abusive upbringing. Sometimes enemies do it too. I've never really experienced anything like it, and it is such a daring, determined and successful attempt at something most game devs would not have the balls to attempt that I'm in awe, frankly. It really works so well in the context of the game that it's nothing short of brilliant. There are other bits too, such as the face of Senua's mother hidden all around the game or a lot of the trials that are just amazing.

So yeah, in gameplay terms, Hellblade is kinda weak with some standout parts. As an overall package or experience or whatever, it's simply one of the best games ever made. And I don't think I can really praise it more than that. Play it.

In a possible future, scientists and therapists will develop a super advanced therapy machine, with a big microphone you'll talk into for a couple of hours about your innermost fears, horrors and traumas. When you've finished, you'll press a big red button, and a tiny super-deformed grotesque anime doll will fall out, shaped just a little like all your hidden anxieties, and you'll be cured of everything, leaving only love in your heart and a smile on your face.

Until then there's Team Fortress 2.

Beautiful desolation. This is basically an AAA low fantasy STALKER, with fewer bandits, and everything i thought games could be when I was a kid.

♥♥♥♥ crucible knights, though. Armoured bastards.

Really great atmosphere. Excited to see where this one goes.

As I understand, competitive taekwondo is all about doing the flashiest moves for literal style points, you even get the best scores for spinning kicks to the head, for example. In essence it's all about looking cool.

Tekken 7's Hwaorang is a hotheaded young taekwondo fighter who does not care who you are. Anceient demon? No probs. Head of the biggest corporation on earth? You know he'll go toe to toe. Master of capoeira, pro-wrestler, best aikido fighter in the world? You know he'll beat ya and lament your lack of special moves while sitting on your beaten and bloody corpse.

The thing is, I've never played her hwoarang without the match coming down to a psychological battle of who can do the most amazing kicks, the sickest parries and biggest disrespects. You do a move? You opponent will try the same thing out just to show they can. Pull out some cheese? They'll just cheese you back harder. Stand apart and show some disrespect in the middle of the fight? You better believe that they've got their own disrespect combos, just because why the hell would you not. Opponent at low health? Now's the time to pull out the biggest launcher just so you can turn your back on them and pull out a match-winning air throw.

Tekken 7 is amazing.

It's Bomberman! It's not great, though.