Recent reviews by a giant bag of string cheese

i've only played this game for 90 hours so I'm still a baby. i'll update this to my full review when i hit 5000 hours.

Doom 2016 deserves all of the accolades it has received, despite its shortcomings. The singleplayer campaign shines so brightly and is worth the price regardless of whether you buy it on sale or at full price. The package is complete in its presentation and anything extra is just an addition that doesn't weigh as heavily in a recommendation. Nobody remembers Doom for its multiplayer (regardless of how often its pushed by marketers). The staying power of Doom has been its single player episodes and missions.

As action-packed as Doom 2016 is, there's a relative slow-burn to how the levels, weapons, and powers are introduced to the player. There's a natural incline to the progression between player and avatar that by the end you feel like the complete killing machine the game hypes Doomguy to be. It's satisfying in how you not only feel strong as a character, but as a player as well. It's a curve that all game designers aspire to create.

There are invisible tricks and aids that keep the action feeling frictionless and the player feeling capable and competent. However, there's a certain point where a player feels like they have improved in their skills, be it aiming, tactical awareness, and navigation. That is where Doom 2016 shines as a game. Little-by-little, players are introduced to weapons, enemies, and power-ups. And the players learn optimal strategies through repetition and experimentation. This is one of the strengths of the campaign aside from the better-than-it-should-be narrative, bombastic sound, and horrifically gorgeous visuals. The sum total of these parts makes a whole game that is worth experiencing.

I completed an ultra-violence run in about 14 hours with a very casual mindset and pace of exploring levels out of appreciation and light secret hunting. In all, this was probably a 60-70% run. I say this because I'm an adult with responsibilities and other interests. It feels like an accomplishment, because this game does get brutal towards the end with the sheer number of demons each arena throws at you. Mix this in with a few devious boss battles, and this becomes a game that tests your skills. Its when you realize how hard this game can get that you can appreciate the Legends that post their 0% Ultra-Nightmare speedruns.

Its to that end that this game shows its worthiness. It's when you watch the crazy ones who play this game for optimal navigation and completion. It's a testament to how well the levels, weapons, and enemies are designed. It's an incredible experience not only as a participant, but also as a spectator. Its when you see this game through the eyes of a speedrunner that you can appreciate how lovingly the winding layers of these levels have been crafted together.

On the other hand, I dabbled somewhat in Multiplayer and spent maybe an hour putzing around in some snap map levels. At the end of the day, I feel a weird appreciation for what id was going for with the level editor. It's just that they didn't bake it fully enough for some of the wilder armchair designers to create some daunting death trials.

Multiplayer on the other hand is just not the main part of the game, and it knows it. The fact that this part of development was outsourced should tell you everything. It's paint-by-numbers multiplayer progression in the Call of Duty style. It's unspectacular. However, I will say that the maps have nicely designed layouts. But it's just adequate.

With both those being said, Doom 2016 is just absurdly fun. If you approach it with the kind of light-heartedness that this game demands, you'll appreciate it as a fun and worthwhile experience. There are some darkly humorous moments that add to the themes of this game, that being how corporations are hell on earth. The codex entries ore worth a read for the most part. Some of the background lore about hell and its denizens is edgy in a goofy way, but it's ultimately meaningless. In this case, there's not a ton of story substance, but it's written incredibly well. Hopefully that makes sense.

This game is worth whatever price you want to put on it. You can play it once and feel like it's time well spent. Or you can attempt your own challenge runs with whatever stipulations you can think up (100% speed run, Ultra-Nightmare, No upgrades) and see how far you can get. That's the real staying power of Doom 2016. The multiplayer and mod package are just cherries on a delicious, multi-layered cake.

So I was an idiot and dropped a Benjamin on the Switch version of this game. As bad as that version is, it's a testament to the quality of this game that I still put in over 175 hours into it. With the release of Aftermath, I didn't have any problem with paying $60 for the superior PC version. What really sells me on this game is the amount of stuff one can do on top of a well-tuned fighting system. It's scaled back from the MKX days, which had wild combo potential. This game's philosophy is more geared towards neutral and footsie play. But that's not to say that a good player can't perform spectacular 50%+ damage combos.

There's plenty to unlock and characters to learn, so this is a great fighter to sink a lot of time into. The story is really dumb, but in a very good way. I also really dig the rotating Towers of Time. The Krypt is also a solid experience for unlocking a ton of skins, gear, and other odds & ends. The Krypt was a mess at launch, but it's been balanced and made more fair since then. The game also features one of the better tutorial systems of its FG counterparts. So if you're a true beginner, this game not only has a great fundamental fighting game system that can translate skills well between straight forward fighters like the Street Fighter series, but it also gives you proper juggle and combo training for those goofy anime fighters.

Anyway, the thing I would count against this game is that it lacks a cross-platform multiplayer feature. It's kind of unfortunate, but luckily this is usually among the top 3 played fighting games on steam. With Kombat League going on, there's a good flow of players that come and go online. The other downside is that patches take longer to reach the PC version, which is a bummer. But if you can handle that kind of hangup, then it's not much of a blemish on what's an already incredible game.

Anyways, this game is one of my personal favorites. I doubt there's much that'll severely disappoint the average player. If you're an ELITE GAMER type, then I guess you'll find just about anything to nitpick to death. It's good and worth your time.

This is modern military shooter the theme park ride. While it's way more over the top than its earlier brethren, this game offers a lot of tactical options during missions. Whereas the GRAW and FS games took you on a linear path, this one harkens back to the tactical improvisation of the early games. So what you get is a blend of both worlds. The orders you can make are pretty straight forward, and if you want to sort of breeze through, you can just move your team to a location and tell them to open fire while you pick dudes off from half a kilometer away. But you can also surgically move through camps and compounds by a mix of drone commands, silent maneuvers, and useful gadgets. I guess if anyone could call a game "Skyrim with guns" this would be the best candidate.

It's one of the most satisfying shooters of the decade masquerading as an MMO on a diet. There is a satisfying gameplay loop and it's an especially rewarding game for those who play with friends. For solo players, there are some issues with the game's sticking power. The end-game raids are made specifically for those who are part of dedicated clans and fireteams. But overall, there's a little something for everyone. I'm a big fan of the Crucible and Gambit PVP modes. Gambit is a unique mode that is kinda terribly explained, but it's super fun once you get the hang of it.

And there in lies the issue with Destiny. Nothing is explained very well. When you create a new character you're dropped into the game in a way that's a little disorienting. It's best to play the main campaign to get your feet wet, but then those missions are tucked away in a hard to notice area. It just doesn't make sense when you drop in and you're given just a bunch of random missions.

But once you blast through the campaign, Osiris, Warmind, Forsaken, and Shadowkeep, you'll be well versed in the overall loop of the game. If Destiny 2 gets its hooks into you at that point, then you'll be hooked for a long time, especially if you find an active clan and group of friends. Otherwise, you might end up uninstalling. But it's a free to play game that presents a ton of content to you before you even make a purchase of Silver or additional Battle Pass and Campaign missions. You could probably put 50-100 hours into this game before you buy anything. So that's a good time frame to find out if you'll like it enough to stick with it.

Sometimes I'm not the best at sticking with games, and the Witcher 3 was one of those games for me. The early hours were a bit dense with slow leveling and the conundrum of trying to figure out so many systems. But with a bit of effort, I was really able to sink into this game like a well-worn couch. It's the kind of experience that keeps giving you little gifts whether its in the story, the loot, or the myriad characters you pass by during your travels. This is a world that feels lived in with a ton of magnificent world building, believable politics, and centuries of conflicts that have pocked the land with death and disease.

The game plays similarly to the likes of "The Legend of Zelda" complete with a horse that arrives and your beck and call, tons of loot to steal, and a Z-targeting combat system. On top of all that is a potions and poison system that buffs Geralt and afflicts his enemies with different debuffs. It's pretty standard video game stuff. The RPG system is unique in that you can level up different abilities and plug them in depending on the situation. While in theory, that mix-and-match approach sounds neat, you eventually find the viable build and don't stray from it.

If this game didn't have the superb world, music, characters, and quests, this would be a passable action game. But "The Witcher" series just brings so much to the table in terms of an immersive experience. There are so many conversations to have and books to read that one play-through doesn't do this game justice. Add in the two 15-30 hour+ expansions, then you've got a complete package that puts a lot of so-called "collectors' editions" to shame. Just a wonderful game crafted with love and care. Play it.

After eight years I have finally gotten around to really get into Skyrim. I've owned it on two consoles and now the PC. For some reason the game just didn't click with me, but I kept it around because I wanted to see if it eventually would. For me, creating a dual destruction casting mage was the ticket to satisfying combat. I would highly recommend that kind of build to really enjoy the combat. But slashing and bashing also works. It's just less satisfying.

Anyway, a lot of people give this game guff for being shallow, but it's a huge world and maybe the engine couldn't quite scale with that size. The story and dialogue aren't the best in the series. It's serviceable. This game is a monster and bandit hunting game with spots of interesting lore baked in. It's just a fun world to wander in from time to time.

Anyway, it's a game with a lot of faults that have been pointed out endlessly by YouTube Critics (TM). Don't try to take this game so seriously and you'll find that it provides tons of painless hours of fun.

In a sea of looter-shooters and craft-'em-ups is a beacon of hope for an industry saturated by predatory products and lackluster MMORPG-lites. Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice is a deeply personal, earnest look at how psychosis affects the mind of an individual. The game is elegant in its minimalist presentation, which foregoes a cluttered HUD for contextual clues that light the way for the player.

As other players have stated, there are some problems in the systems inherent to this game. As it lacks a traditional HUD for quest markers and clues, it can be jarring to adapt to a whole new system of indicators. However, some of the game's puzzles are marred by opaque clues and some dreary level design that doesn't guide the player to points of interest. I had spent a few stops along the way aimlessly criss-crossing the same labyrinthine corridor only to realize that a dark corner I hadn't noticed led to a stairway to my final puzzle piece. There were more than a few instances where I was ripped out of the experience to let out some exasperated mouth-sounds to voice my displeasure. A few navigation clues outside of the contextual HUD would have helped alleviate this problem.

As for the combat mechanics, this proto-God of War (2018) is serviceable at worst and cathartic at the right moments. You will Roman Reigns Superman Punch the hell out of Norse demon/zombies, and it'll feel really good. There are many good qualities to Ninja Theory games, and their penchant for fluid, stylish combat stands out. The 1v1 battles are breezy to handle, but the game really ups the ante when you are locked in a tight room with several goons, which you need to dispatch. The Boss battles are inventive, but they go on far too long to really enjoy. They have novel gimmicks that require you to utilize the full combat mechanics. However, it takes so many hits to put them down that these encounters are a slog to get through. It's sad to say, but these bosses over-stay their welcome much to this game's detriment.

But, this game really centers on the dark and twisted story of Senua. She is a Celtic warrior of the Pict tribes of Northern England. She has lived a life of isolation due to the crippling psychosis she lives with every day. But there is a darker, more sinister twist to this story that pays off very well at the end. As you play, you will become familiar with how Senua perceives the world through her inner voices called "Furies" and the visual hallucinations that color her world in wondrous and terrifying ways. Her world is both a beautiful garden and a decrepit waste land. As she traverses through lush forests and vile hellscapes, you and Senua will piece together a narrative that cuts to your own heart. This is a game that deserves to be played by anyone whether or not they regularly play videogames. It's one of the best examples of a work of art in the medium.

Blemishes and all, this game is highly recommended.

I gave this game an honest shot over the free weekend to see if this could win me over. Unfortunately, I just couldn't get into it. I love most Bethesda games (warts and all), but Fallout is a series that just can't get its hooks into me.

The problem with this game is three-fold.

1. If you're just not that into Fallout as a series, this isn't going to change your mind.

2. If you're looking for a choice-driven RPG, this isn't that. All dialogue choices just guide you down a singular path.

3. If you're looking for an open-world shooter/adventure, there are better games with better controls and quality-of-life systems.

I'll admit that I haven't poured a ton of hours into this game, but I know a lot of work went into it. I can appreciate that. This game just isn't for me.

I've installed, uninstalled, and re-installed this great and awful game about 20 dozen times.

I rate this abusive relationship a 12/10. Worst and best $20 I ever spent.