Recent reviews by Obese Geese

Ugly, uninspired, plastic. I can't refund the DLC which costs more than the main game.

One of the best storylines, protagonists and overall open world experiences ever crafted in video game history as of writing this. The amount of content here is staggering and will go beyond all of your expectations. A breathtaking game. I can not praise it enough. It simply is the masterpiece everyone hyped it up to be, and more. Nearly 300 stories with the main story finished, and the epilogue is still going strong.

A mature, finely crafted, polished and content dense game if I ever saw one. No game I have ever played prior has hit THESE production values.

It has some annoying jank, but that is mainly the console port itself. Its biggest flaws are optimization and the horrible TAA on the PC version, and overall the challenge to get it to run smoothly and look good.

Multiplayer is good, fun, and has quite a lot of content, though perhaps not in the areas where it most should. Its a good and fun addition, and the PVP alone can make it worth it. Nothing too hardcore or competitive, but just some good old immersive fun.

This review is mostly for the SP, as SP is the star of the show, and worth every penny. Its flaws are not worth mentioning. The MP is a contender for something really good and unique, but it still has some ways to go. Overall, with a SP experience like this. It hardly matters.

10/10 without hesitation. The game is among the 3 best story driven experiences I had ever played, and perhaps even sits at the very top.

Absolute perfection of a game. Depth and quality of combat on par with Mount & Blade, even managing to surpass it in some respects. Doesn't have the same scope and I still cannot decide which I like more, but Mordhau is something else.

Its ridiculous how similar yet how different they are, and to my surprise i have indeed managed to transfer a lot of my skill from M&B into Mordhau, regardless of their differences.

The game is criminally addictive and satisfying, hard and rewarding. It is just too damn good. This review isn't here to say much but rather as an excuse for me to simply give this game a fat sausage thumb up.

A game of immense potential, content and beauty, with an immersive, foreboding, chesslike survival campaign where every turn matters. With Steel Faith Overhaul at least, but I don't believe it is essentially any different on vanilla legendary difficulty. With it (and possibly without) the diplomacy and chess-like nature of the overhead campaign were polished to perfection.

However much I love this game, I hate it three times as much. The battles are disappointing. It is a game hampered by small unit sizes and hero/monster units taking up way too many slots that would, in historical TW titles, be instead taken up by a couple of hundreds of men. As many as thousands on max stacks.

The game only allowes a maximum of 80 units present in a battle at any times, with others joining later as reinforcement, after the former units flee or perish. Gone are the several stacks of units present for massive battles. You will not find them in a campaign.

I've played the original campaign with SFO on legendary and the mortal empires on VH/legendary, and both of the times I gave up near the end of the campaign when it hit me just how little climactic or memorable battles I've had throughout the course of the campaign. I remember them all, to this day, but they are far too few and in between to justify for a hundred hours long grand campaign gameplay, no matter how perfect, when the battles are not. Even with 40 stacks armies, there is no difference, the battles are just way too small and way too fast. When did Total War ever descend into this MOBA-like micromanagement of fast clicking and special abilities? It culmulated with Warhammer, no doubt.

This was less of a problem in other total war games, where indeed grand and great battles with plentiful reinforcements could happen, even if the size and frequency of battles left things to be desired, at about 20 turns in Rome II I can have a battle of scale and size that will never be seen in Warhammer I or II outside of custom battles or the skaven lab which I refuse to use. I need context for my battles.

So the battles are, for the most part, disappointing, and you don't have many to look forward to in your hundred hours long campaign. I left this title twice with a bitter taste of disappointment each time, mostly because so much good is there, and all of this could be fixed if CA just had some sense, or some modder managed to do it. I remain hopeful.

It should be noted that the sieges are pretty ♥♥♥♥ (for the most part) and that settlement battles are severely lacking. Thankfully there are mods that compensate for that quite well, so I didn't quite ever feel this lack.

Do I recommend it? Depends on what you are hoping to get, but from me it gets a thumbs down. In a title where grand scale should be represented most of all, it is represented by far the least. I have had about 3 or 4 battles that did not feel like a skirmish, and even those were resolved woefully quickly, with micromanagement and fast responses taking precedence over tactics and chess-like maneuvering.

Gonna give it a positive rating. Its an MMO launch that didn't launch as intended. People who thought it would were under great illusion.

Is this okay? Probably not, but its early access, and its trying out something new and ambitious. It works right under the right circumstances.

This game will be amazing when it gets to what it should be. It just needs to work right. I'm willing to cash out 20 for a not-so-instant-gratification.

A buggy masterpiece. What a breathtaking game.

It launched as a mess, but I could see all of its beauty and potential even then. I decided to wait for launch. I did not regret it.

This is the the type of game that you should be playing if you want to experience MMORPGS for what they were meant to be. Stunning, vast worlds full of secrets, monsters, creatures and enemies, where alliances are made and grudges held, and above all, where interaction with the world makes sense. Every resource can be exploited. Every building makes sense, and every action counts. The systems in this game, much like in Ark, come to life marvelously, in a game that embodies all the marvel and beauty of a virtual fantasy world done right.

This game gave me something that no MMO in a long time has. It gave me the so called "Barrens vibes" of the vanilla world of warcraft, one of few mmos with stunning worlds that tower over your humble character worth exploring.

You will be humbled by the massive geographical obstacles, ravines, peaks and jungles that are presented before your eyes, all for you to tame and conquer to the best of your ability. Everything can be built upon, the systems do not only come together, but they are amazingly flexible as well.

50 hours or so in and I still continue to marvel and the game takes my breath away. It feels so open and vast, putting many single and multiplayer games to utter shame. Please, everybody, learn from this.

The game's combat is satisfying but is a quirky hit and miss sort of thing where you can't exactly fully master it and even at your finest you never have full control. But its good.

The non-aggressive way the game presents you with its lore makes you feel like you are uncovering relics and mythos of ancient long gone civilizations, and any sort of lore or dialogue (yes, there is dialogue) is treasured.

The satisfaction of building your own base and figuring out the environment and the systems to your advantage, not to mention the PVP included are amazingly addictive and satisfying feeling. If you're a progression junkie, this is the game for you. More so because you theoretically set your own goals as to what you want to achieve (base-wise) the sky is your limit.

It goes without saying that the design of everything is top notch. From monsters, men, places to armors and weapons.



I was considering giving this game a thumbs down because it lacks one thing it desperately needs; mounts. Still, I figured that would hardly motivate the developers of this masterpiece to continue working on it. But yeah. Mounts. Prestigious and humble. Combat mounts and non combat mounts. Imagine towering wall crushing mammoths. Oh my. And tameable animals. Hyenas, tigers etc. Make it happen. You already have a people taming system in place, and its great! Oh and magic. You promised. You give. This game has the potential and I daresay already is the towering behemot that stands as a worthy rival right next to Ark, with even bigger potential to thrive.

The most sorely frustrating and annoying thing about this game that is my only real complaint besides the mounts the game does not (yet) have are the frustrating and progress-hindering bugs. Corpses will disappear and you won't be able to recover them. Your thralls will disappeared after you dragged them across the desert for 15 minutes. But its okay. The pain is worth it. Embrace it, in the spirit of the Conan universe.

I recommend this to everybody who does not shy away from challenge and difficulty, and instead appreciates vastness, depth, beauty and complexity. If you want a sandbox game that has it all, look no further.

An ambitious, unique, rough-on-the edges absolute GEM of a game.

This game tries to do what no game has undertook to do before, and what I wanted to see for a long time, combining the realistic combat of Mount & Blade with a healthy PVE and PVP aspect of a living, breathing world, with quests, events, raids and bosses.

The jaggy animations, the lack of good sound feedback, the unfinished features, the lag and a somewhat underwhelming world that is still being built to greatness still nonetheless offer so much greatness to those willing to give it a shot.

The dungeon/raid-like events in this game are an absolute blast, even if rough on the edges. The PVP and sieges work wonderfully, and to me are a comparably more satisfying than ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of missile, magic and aoe spam that happens in most typical tab targeting or action mmorpgs when it comes to mass combat and castle sieges.

Here, the combat takes into account space, physicality, swinging distance, hitboxes and all that you have seen in Warband (albeit not as smoothly executed, understandably) and takes it into an MMO format. It is seamless and wonderful.

With all of its in-your-face-nameplates, all the lacking sounds, all the lag, all the messy netcode and input issues, the combat "listens to you" in the sense that it obeys your commands more than it meets the eye, and it is incredibly satisfying, in some ways even more than warband, though it has ways to go to reach that perfection.

Winning a 1v1 PVP encounter in the wilderness against a member of the other faction and then looting their gear based entirely (unless lag ♥♥♥♥♥ it up for you) is an incredibly, incredibly satisfying and rewarding experience. You truly feel like a master of your ability and an impressive swordsman or fighter, as you systematically and slowly get better gear and get better at the game. Something MMOs that thrust you into acquiring all your ability based on level alone effortlessly have all but forgotten.

The gear looks absolutely juicy, and every fan of the middle ages and even the antiquity should find items to drool over and admire in this game quite easily.

Last, but not least, its equipment system is better and more organic than I've seen in any MMO. Gone is the unrealistic disparity of item stats that you see in classic mmos, for example a dagger doing 1-2 damage on level one and an axe hitting 2450-3650 on level 100. A level one with rather basic gear is going to be able to do some harm to a skilled warrior, though still woefully underequipped, he can theoretically very much do damage.

The gear scales realistically and I would say proportionately to how the quality in smithing and metallurgy would make a sword better, sharper and more damaging in real life. Same goes for armor, although some arcadey liberties have been taken with the armor stats and how the stamina works for the game's functionality (which is by no means a bad thing.)

I'm waiting for mounts and mounted combat, and the expansion of things to do in the PVE world. Imagine 20 players fighting a dragon with this combat system? Woah. That'd be a refreshing change of pace from fighting people.

They are taking the wisest course of action for this game, and that is making the existing features work better, instead of bloating it with content like many other games do.

I will stress one more time that I have never encountered a game so frequently updated, with a sweet reason to come back and check it out weekly for a substantial surprise, be it an improvement or an addition of content.

Overall, its messy, but its good. Give it a chance, and see that it is far more enjoyable than most MMORPGS.

7/10 for now. But it is not the same as 7/10 given to a game that doesn't try to do great things. This one does, and the rating is hardly proportionate to what it has to offer, but is proportionate to what it does right out of what it intends to do. This game has a potential to establish a sub-genre of its own, like Mount & Blade once did, but I think it is still years away from that.

In any case, definitely worth playing right now, if you're not a perfectionist.

An amazing sequel, hampered by some nasty camapign breaking bugs, a glitchy release, and the general stigma against all things eastern yurop/muskets

An improvement over Warband in virtually every way. No mod to this day managed to surpass the quality of WFAS' battles. They are just spectacular.

Gone are the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Gone are the siege exploits. Gone is the ability for you to down hundreds of men by yourself without consequence. Gone is the stupid AI who will allow you to sneak up behind its tiny ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ engaged with your force and allow you to slaughter it senselessly.

Added in are meaningful formations, a meaningful struggle for hill advantage. Added are the actual, working pike formations that are not merely beautifuly aesthetic. Added are the meaningful volleys and skirmishes.

Beautiful, varied factions that play differently and utilize different strengths. Beautiful armors and weapons. To this day some of the best models I've ever seen. (Clothes could look better, though)

For an action RPG and for a MB game, it has the most tactics and as such the most engaging SP battle experience.

MP is a blast. The maps are nice, as are the different game modes. Invasion is just brilliant. However, the MP is largely imbalanced and many things such as spawn points, gear costs and reload times could use some serious tweaks.

Play a game. A drink for every tool who reviewed the game poorly just because they cannot handle the fact it plays differently, and because more or less a single bullet means you're dead. Sometimes two.


Not for sissies who expect to hack through everything brainlessly.

Buggy, seemingly unoptimized, rough on the edges, it gives you the impression it's a lot more buggy and unpolished than it really is; but keep playing!

It gets progressively better and more addictive, and I for one am not seeing that many issues. This really is Brytenwalda on steroids after you scratch the surface. I am getting sucked in.

Patches will do their thing and bring it to it's full glory.

Haven't touched much on the MP portion of the game, but so far;

7.0/10, and this is quite solely due to it's current state. After that 8/10 if not more. Remains to be seen.

Recommend getting it and giving it a chance if you're in it for the SP. If you're really allergic to bugs perhaps you should wait a little, but it's definitely a blast.

EDIT: After having played the story for even longer, I am trying to contain myself from praising the game solely due to it's current state.

If voice acting or lack of thereof is not an issue for you, you will find such an engrossing story here with such unexpected twists and story developments that I daresay should put BioWare to shame. The story so far is one of the game's key aces.

I highly recommend this game if you're into ♥♥♥♥ eating.