Recent reviews by j hard r tolkien

87 year old diner still serves eurojank the old fashioned way

I can't believe they made PAYDAY 3 into a good game

All jokes aside let me write an actual review on this game, cause it means the world to me at this point. Was one of my first games growing up a PS3 kid, and over the years we grew up together.

Let me just start off by saying this game stopped being about robbing banks loooong ago. It's a game where you equip the stupidest loadouts with the goofiest masks and shoot hordes and hordes of cops with your friends or CRIME.NET co-workers while getting curbstomped by cloakers for MONEY.

Every heist is a new and thrilling adventure and i assure you you will NOT get sick of playing it in the slightest. The world is your medic bag. Pick sociopath perk deck and take some enforcer melee skills so you can reflect back 2500% melee damage to a bulldozer by smacking him over the head with a comically oversized ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ spoon. Pick stoic deck and fund your alcohol addiction with the bags of gold you smuggled out of the Big Bank. IT'S YOUR WORLD.

I know it's hard at first when you get blasted with all these buzzwords like "DODGE CRIT INFAMY 100 STEALTH PERK DECK MASTERMIND OVERDRILL XXV" but I swear to you, just give it a chance and you'll see how simple it really is. Without getting into minmaxing; click your inventory, pick the heister that fits you best and put a mask on them. Go to your skill tree (not to be confused with your perk decks) and scroll through some of them to see the skills that interest you. Want turrets? You got it. Want to revive people by just shouting at them? You got it. Want to be a 600lb gorilla? You got it. Pick a perk deck that most compliments these intricate skills you've selected, and then garnish it with some guns of your choice that look the coolest and a melee weapon like cherry on top. Voila, FUN. *something payday 3 developers dont know much about*

My unfiltered opinion on PAYDAY 3 as a veteran who's played PAYDAY 2 from PS3 to PC for close to 9 years now.

The gameplay is not much different from what we saw in the beta, what you see is what you got. It's smooth and enjoyable and the gameplay loop of popping helmets is just as fun as it was in payday the heist and payday 2

I really love the new specials. Grenadiers that you can shoot the belts off of, tazers (now zappers) that carry some AA battery pack on their waist that you can shoot to AOE stun everyone with cool particle effects, Dozers that really run through you like, you guessed it, a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bulldozer! Cloakers that genuinely jumpscare you just like in PD2, but look a lot cooler IMO.

The soundtrack, rest for the wicked is really good but i genuinely havent noticed any other song. its lacking, plain, too background-y and doesnt give you that adrenaline pumping through you like simon viklunds work did

Perks and skills? really boring. they simplified the entire menu to make it easier to understand. i feel like @Barry Bugle complaining about morrowind getting modernized and simplified because in essence thats exactly what happened. No more 200% reload speed, 500% headshot damage, ranged revives, 2500% melee damage, 78% damage reduction. You have Grit (10% less dmg received), Edge (10% more dmg dealt) and Rush (10% movement speed) and thats it. None of these make a difference or feel impactful in gameplay whereas builds in payday 2 were half the fun. Every other build felt like a completely renewed and fresh experience.

The weapons? TINY. Theres maybe 20-25 guns in the entire game (not counting presets which are just guns that come pre-modded) and we hardly got anything from PAYDAY 2. I think no one would've complained if they just ported over the entire arsenal and started building on top of it instead. As well as the leveling system to unlock each modification for each gun seperately (unlike in payday 2 where you unlocked the optic and slapped it on whatever you want) its really really really demotivating to use some of these guns.

The armor? I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ despise it. The whole resource management in this game was that you had to keep your health up cause you won't get it back, and armor gives you the edge to make plays, and you had downtime when it broke so it could regen and you would loop it. It being a limited resource, needing to put on new armor plates the moment yours breaks just punishes you for any sort of movement you do. Running, sliding, any type of aggressive play you make will end up with you being punished at least a little bit. And it forces you to play a boring passive playstyle to hold on to as much armor as you can so you can live through the guaranteed final push of infinite cops at the end of every heist without getting curbstomped right next to the exit.

shotgun is really fun lol

The UI is really clunky. Especially in pre-heist lobby where they improved on some things but left out others? You can't chat anymore. You can't ask if your teammates are prepping to go stealth or loud. You can revamp your build (you couldn't in pd2) but you cant unready to change your weapons (you COULD in pd2) so its just really confusing and i feel like it was rushed/half-assed. Hoping it's the first thing they resolve cause it feels unresponsive and janky.

overall: just like payday the heist, and payday 2, its a janky ass launch that they will have to resolve until it surpasses its current state and becomes an actual worthwhile of a 1000 hours type of game.

TL;DR: superb gameplay, but lacking soundtrack, skill system, arsenal and questionable gameplay adjustments that dont fit in with the series. I would suggest to wait a little bit for some updates to sharpen and polish the game up a bit.

This game gave me:

· Acne
· AIDS
· allergies
· Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (AIWS)
· Alzheimer's disease
· anal abscesses
· anal Cancer
· anal Itching
· anal Tear
· anxiety disorders
· arthritis
· asthma
· astigmatism
· autism
· autoimmune diseases
· Auto-Brewert syndrome
· Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
· Autistic spectrum disorder (ASD)
· Asbestosis
· bad breath
· Bacterial vaginosis
· benign prostate hyperplasia (BPH)
· bipolar disorder
· body odors
· Bone cancer
· bone placement disorder
· Bowel cancer
· bloating
· brain cancer
· brain damage
· Brain tumours
· Bronchitis
· breast cancer
· candidacies
· cataracts
· carpel tunnel syndrome
· Changes in bowel movements
· celiac disease
· cervical cancer
· Chest infection
· Chest pain
· chicken pox
· Chlamydia
· chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS)
· chronic illness
· cold sores
· colon cancer
· Coma
· Congenital Insensitivity to Pain
· Conjunctivitis
· constipation
· common cold
· COPD
· cough
· crippling depression
· Crohn's disease
· Corona Virus
· cystic fibrosis
· Dehydration
· dementia
· diabetes
· diarrhea
· depression
· down syndrome
· Dry mouth
· Earache
· eating disorders
· Ebola
· eczema
· endometriosis
· Epilepsy
· Erectile dysfunction
· eye cancer
· eye disorders
· Fatigue
· fibroids
· fibromyalgia
· Foreign Accent Syndrome
· Farting
· flu
· food poisoning
· Fungal nail infection
· Gallbladder cancer
· Gallstones
· genital herpes
· gonorrhea
· Gum disease
· Graves' disease
· hallucinations
· Hashimoto's thyroiditis
· hay fever
· Hearing loss
· hepatitis A, B, C, D and E
· herpes
· high cholesterol
· HIV
· Hodgkin's disease
· Human Werewolf Syndrome
· Hutchinson-Gilford Progeria Syndrome
· HPV
· hypertension
· Immediate bowel syndrome
· Indigestion
· Ingrown toenail
· Itching
· Itchy bottom
· Joint abnormalities
· Kidney cancer
· Kidney infection
· Kidney stones
· Leg cramps
· Liver cancer
· Liver disease
· Lung cancer
· Measles
· Mesothelioma
· Mouth cancer
· Nasal and sinus cancer
· Nosebleed
· Obesity
· Osteoporosis
· Old man syndrome
· Pancreatic cancer
· Panic disorder
· Parkinson's disease
· Personality disorder
· Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome
· Prostate cancer
· Radiation poisoning
· Reactive arthritis
· Restless legs syndrome
· Walking Corpse Syndrome
· Shingles
· Shortness of breath
· Skin cancer
· Sore throat
· Sugar cravings
· Sunburn
· Stiff Person Syndrome
· Stoneman Syndrome
· Stomach cancer
· Stroke
· Sexually transmitted diseases (STD's)
· toenail fungus
· Tuberculosis
· T-posing syndrome
· Urinary track infection
· Vomit disorder
· Whooping cough
· Yellow fever
· Yeast Infection
 

Hunt Showdown is a game about trying your hardest to clutch whatever you can grab and get out, and trying to survive from the many horrors that are thrown at you while doing so. A game where guns really feel like guns, and you're terrified to make even the slightest peep so you don't get your head taken off by a breechloading rifle a hundred yards away.

The gameplay loop simply feels, amazing. The amount of play-styles that are, not only possible, but encouraged and EVEN rewarded, is simply fantastic. I haven't really had a single match of this game resemble the last. The only things that carry from one match to the other, is the trauma you accumulate in the many, many towns and locations of the map. You'll recall exact scenarios of you absolutely decking someone, clutching a tight situation, getting out of a place with your guts barely intact all while your heart is racing. It genuinely is, a pure generator of memories and moments that you simply will not forget.

The "Roster" system as the game calls it, being nothing short of simply beautiful. You start by hiring Bounty Hunters. May it be the free one you get guaranteed after every match, or one that you've decked out with the absolute utmost gear that money can purchase, you jump in to the Louisiana Bayou area, to find whatever abomination you might've been contracted to destroy. With fierce competition, the stakes are tough. Be it the basic grunts that group up on you, the Hives that send a swarm of poisonous hornets to bloat you like a stuck pig, or the revolting Meathead, blind but still conscious and aware, sending leeches after you to triangulate your location. Or the other bounty hunters that are after the same contract as you, and very persistent to be the ones to leave with it. But, when a character you've witnessed the Bayou's horrors with, if you make it out and survive the things you've seen can retire into a happy life, riddled with PTSD probably, but rewarding you with a bunch of Bloodline experience that'll help the next Bounty Hunter that you send into the depths of this hellhole. But I warn you, a free volunteer hunter, or one kitted with bundles of dynamite, prototype guns, medkits and machetes, bullets don't discriminate. It'll hurt all the same.

And honestly, I could go on and on about all that's good about this game, like how you learn a new trick or feature every other day that you play, how the game rewards you with the many in-game cosmetic skins that it has to offer and rarely if ever do you feel like you're missing out because you're not making in-game purchases, because of how often you're rewarded Blood Bonds just for playing the game, or even how good it feels to be the last man standing, with your pockets full of contract bounties, hunt dollars, blood bonds, and the vast variety of tools and gadgets you might've acquired in the bloodbath of a path you just walked through. But I'll leave that up to you to figure out.

As it is with every rose, this one also has it's thorns, but in my experience nothing major. Everytime I've had a complaint about the game it's usually been more of a question like "Can I get to choose what time of day this mission I'm going to play will be in?" or "If i find an exact copy of my revolver on the field can I duel wield them? Or what if i wanna leave one to free up a slot and pick up a rifle!" that ive taken to google, i've been faced with people on reddit or on forums asking about the same thing, hoping one day it'll get added. The developement is slow, but never disappoints, so theres that.

I wholehartedly suggest buying this game, and pressuring your friends to also. Because every Gun Toting, Butcher Wrestling, Revolver Fanning, Rifle Levering Bounty Hunter needs, is a posse of the same.

this is just unbelievably unfun, unpolished and lazy.

What they basically did with the WINTERMUTE being added as a paid expansion pack is, if you had the game in early access, aka. before they released it, you'll have it in your library, but if you're brand new you have to pay for it seperately and honestly, i dont mind that fact. The developers have gave us insanely good content for YEARS now for only 20 dollars worth. And for them to impliment a way to have more funding to potentially give us even better content in the future and potentially speed up the developement of the game, does NOT seem like a losing situation to me.

Buy the game, it's the most immersive, fun experience you can ask for out of a survival game, with the most beautifully unique, watercolor-like soft and smooth graphics, relaxing slow paced gameplay with its high-tension adrenaline moments, and a true feeling of victory at the end of your bed of each night you survive. 9.5/10, easily the best survival game I've ever played.

i know i only have 20 minutes of playtime, but hear me out, that's all it took to realise this game isn't worth buying.
i will start off by listing the positive, and that is this game is absolutely beautiful. so much eye candy, the graphics are soothing and relaxing and its just relaxation looking at this game... and that's about all it's good for.
so much potential but, theres just no direction, no flow, nothing to do, it almost feels... empty... i hope someone with actual passion can take over the developement of this game, cause it's basically abandoned.
Remember that Stardew Valley was made by one person years ago and is still getting major content updates to this day. The best games to invest in are the ones with passion behind them. And there's anything BUT passion in this game.
So painful to review this game negatively, but honesty over my feelings.
Don't buy this game.

Absolutely amazing high tempo movement shooter. Didn't switch off the shotgun as soon as i got it that mf has a POINT BLANK EXPLOSION oh and YOU CAN PUNCH YOUR BULLETS TO MAKE THEM GO FASTER

The word "masterpiece" would be an insult.