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By the time you finally show up, we’ve already played, lost, argued, and made up. At this point, you’re just a myth—a legend of the unready. I wouldn’t be surprised if your Steam account had an idle animation IRL.
Either set a damn alarm, get your life together, or just admit that you belong in Spectator Mode permanently. ‘Cause right now, even the server timeout error has a better attendance record than you.
Your internet isn’t the problem. Your PC isn’t the problem. YOU’RE THE PROBLEM. You move like you’re roleplaying a Windows XP startup. If procrastination was a ranked mode, you’d be Global Elite.
At this point, we should just queue without you and let you join in next season. Hell, even bots react faster than you, and they don’t even have brains. Fix your schedule, or we’re renaming you to "Disconnected by User."
Honestly, I’ve seen Counter-Strike servers load faster than you. You’ve got the reaction time of a 200-ping player in a dial-up lobby. Do you need a tactical timeout just to find your headset? Or is your PC powered by a hamster on a wheel?
At this point, we should start calling you "AFK" instead of your actual username. Maybe next time, set your alarm before we send the invite, yeah?