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40 of 89 (45%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:50am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 7:46am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 7:37am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 8:25am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:16am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:16am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:19pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 16 May, 2021 @ 12:16am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 2 Feb, 2023 @ 4:53am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:50am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 16 May, 2021 @ 12:41am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 11:33pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 8:42pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:49am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:52pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 8:32pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:22am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 2 Feb, 2023 @ 5:09am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:53am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 11:07am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 11:59pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 16 May, 2021 @ 1:03am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 9:13am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 7:37am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 11:37pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 7:37am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 11:05am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 16 May, 2021 @ 12:17am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 7:49am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 2 Feb, 2023 @ 5:21am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 7:36am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:12pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:15am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 8:29pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 11:44pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 16 May, 2021 @ 12:46am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:48am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 8:37am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 8:28am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 15 May, 2021 @ 10:50pm



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
23 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
5 / 30

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
15 / 30

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
1 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
2 / 20

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+13

13 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked