When strapped for cash, I play opera-worthy street music using only a cheese grater, an elastic band, and a Crock Pot. I once amassed just under two thousand dollars in a single day. I breed new species of Lemur, I dish out vigilante justice, and I keep the world's economy in check. I accidentally created the duck-billed platypus during a failed experiment in discovering exactly how many licks it takes to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop. I cook pasta just right, every time, and I can hurl tennis rackets at small objects with deadly accuracy. My breasts are the envy of Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, and Dale Earnhardt, Jr.