Steam Community :: داينوداينوداينود

155.3 hrs on record (143.8 hrs at review time)

Fifa just isnt fun, everyday i play ultimate team and everyday it makes me mad, i want to end my life when playing fifa, but i cant just stop, i rely on this game to bring me enjoyment, to increase my dopamine to just put me at ease but it does the opposite. Fifa just brings out the worst in me, but i cant stop playing, im addicted, if i stop i will just want more, and i will continue clicking the green play button knowing that it will end with me slamming my controller, yelling to the top of my lungs, alt + f4 ing the game, and my neighbors thinking more and more that i have become insane. It's gotten to a point where fifa is taking a toll on my personal life, im falling out of touch with reality, i feel empty inside, fifa just grows that emptyness. My parents are witnessing as i scream at a computer game, they say, "its just a game", yeah it is just a game, its a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ addiction that is ruining my life, ive lost the meaning of life. im not saying fifa is the root of my depression but it definitely plays a key role when i grab a knife and cut my arms, just thinking there is no hope anymore for me because i have stooped to such a low point in life where if i try to resolve my issues it will just make people think i am going more insane and make my social life worse, i dont hang out with my friends just so i can play fifa. i would much rather walk down the street and get hooked on weed and destroy my life even more with that kind of addiction than continue to play this game. its making my mental health worse and worse. and i cant talk to my friends about it because they will just say "honestly bro i dont know what to say to you, you should talk to someone else", but i have no one else to talk to because im lonely, im a lonely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ loser that just seeks acceptance from the few people in my life, but when that doesnt work i just go back, and click that green play button and repeat the cycle all over again. i hate it. i honestly just dont know what to do with my life anymore, whenever i try to find enjoyment in things other than fifa, like going outside and enjoying the sunset with my friends, except, my friends dont hang out with me, anytime i ask my friends to hang out, well i should say friend, i only have 1 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ friend to hang out with, i think texting the rest of my friends would be weird since i dont hang out with them outside of school and they will think why does he want to hang out all of a sudden and it will make me seem more desperate, i know i should try to experience enjoyment in life alone but im scared to go out in the real world, im scared to take opportunities and experience new things that will enlighten me in what the world truly is. so thats why i go back to fifa, and i just continue destroying my life. this also shows how much a of a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lonely loser i am, i am venting in a steam game review section where no one will see this post instead of actually talking to people because 1. i have no one to talk to, and 2. i dont want the only people in my life to worry about me. this post doesnt even revolve around fifa, i just want to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ end it all sometimes, i just see no point in living and continuing life on this earth if it means im gonna continue being lonely and having nothing to do and just being seen as a loser, i try to enjoy other hobbies like playing soccer and its going well for me but, it doesnt take away from the fact that i desire death from time to time, and knowing that it is haram to kill myself is making it even worse, im muslim and apparently god has forbidden suicide, i dont want to go to hell but i also dont want to continue my life how it is right now, and i have no one to talk to and let it all out so i am typing this in steam review section, i just wish i could sit in a plain, a field with nothing but grass and flowers, watching the pink sky as the sun sets with someone, without having a care in the world. i would do it alone but once again im just scared of experiencing life alone, i dont know if it is being alone or scared something will happen, but i just would rather be around people than alone with my thoughts, i mean sometimes i desire being alone, when i am around people too much i would rather be alone, i would rather walk down the street on a cloudy misty day, with just my thoughts, that is the scene i would rather be in while alone, i think being in that landscape with the plain of grass and flowers, and watching the sun set makes me think that i want others to experience this so i should bring someone with me, but the thing is, i have no one to bring with me because everyone is "busy" or just wont take the time out of their day to hang out with their friend that they dont know but is secretly crumbling on the inside waiting for something, anything to happen that will finally make my life interesting or at the least make me not alone, i dont know if i just dont want to be alone in the sense of by myself or alone in the sense of single, no girlfriend. seeing all the couples around me, and couples in movies, tv shows, especially anime just makes me yearn for the same feeling they feel when they are with a partner, that i will never receive because real life isnt perfect like the animes and i cant just magically stumble across a girl and fall in love then go on these amazing life adventures together with my favorite person, i know life isnt like that, but i cant help desiring that sort of feeling, and to cope with it and get my mind off of the fact that im a total ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ loser i click the green play button, and i play fifa, and it ends with me closing out the game, anger on my mind, then the more i think about it i go back to the fact that i am a loser and i think about all of this again. thats it. thats the cycle. i cant help it, because nothing gives me the same amout of comfort as fifa when i am not raging. i truly wish my life wasnt like this. and i know it wont magically change over night, so i go back to the thought of suicide and think its a good choice, i need help, but i dont know where to find it, but before the 1 person reading this starts to feel bad for me i just want to let you know that i probably deserve it, i dont think im the best person, i havent hurt anyone physically or mentally, i came across self improvement a while ago and have constantly been trying to get my life together, but i just cant, ive lost all motivation, i havent been to the gym in god knows how long, i havent tried to build my confidence in while, i also struggle trying to find a part time job, i havent talked to girls in so long, you name it, i have given up on it. i just have no hope for my self, i have also tried a dopamine detox, but that didnt help since the first day i think i was pretty productive, i cleaned my room, put my pc in my closet, rotated my desk, read a book, but of course the next day it all came crashing down, nothing to do, i was on break from school, so guess what i decide to do, look at tik tok for the entire day, and i basically failed the dopamine detox, i only lasted a week without my pc, it took me 3-4 hours to clean my room and put my pc in the closet, but when the time came that i decided to put my pc back it only took less than 20 minutes to get my entire set up in order and click the power button on my pc, i think i am wasting my life doing this, i dont think i have any hope, this isnt weird but i think people are probably wondering, "how old could this guy possibly be to have all these problems in his life" im 15, im honestly hopeless, please if any of you have any advice you could possibly give me i need it, i mean who am i kidding this post will probably go un noticed in the the thousands of reviews every day. i need help.

Posted 13 January, 2023. Last edited 1 July, 2023.

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