My bucket list:

- Try to get up enough speed to drive your motor scooter through a big rock.
✓ Use explosives to weed your garden.
- Shave your llamas.
✓ Put your saddle on the bottom side of your horse.
✓ Throw rocks at your own car.
- Brush your teeth with Liquid Plumber.
- Pretend your JELL-O is a cell phone.
- Use firecrackers to clean your ears.
- Float over Niagara Falls in a kitty litter box.
- Float over Niagara Falls on a Zucchini.
- Float over Niagara Falls on a heat-seeking missile.
- Perform surgery on yourself to re-design your nose making it seven feet long.
✓ Clean your car with a flamethrower.
- Pour Anthrax on your cornflakes.
- Name your children after terminal diseases.
- Use a duck for a catcher's mitt.
✓ Spread gravel on your sandwich.
- Give yourself a tattoo using a spot welder.
- Try to cure your hiccoughs by spending an hour in the washing machine on spin cycle.
- Bath your dog in liquid drain cleaner.
- Hang your hammock on high voltage wires.
✓ Stick you tongue into the toaster.
- Spend the Christmas holidays shopping in the Gobi Desert.
- Use spun glass insulation for your mattress.
- Jump out of an airplane using a parachute made from wet Kleenex tissue.
- Jump out of an airplane with a salami for a parachute.
- Pick a fight with a wolverine over a piece of beef jerky.
- Hunt wild boar with a BB gun.
- Use battery acid to unclog your sinuses.
✓ Wear your underwear on the outside of your clothes.
✓ Make jokes about bombs with airport security personnel.
- Make obscene, crank phone calls on your picture phone.
- Throw snowballs at black limousines.
- Try to play Frisbee by spinning weasels around the park.
- Mail yourself to Afghanistan in a small box filled only with yourself and Styrofoam peanuts.
- Go everywhere with your shoes on upside down.
- Jump off a tall building with only a spaghetti noodle for a bungee chord and no helmet.
✓ Wear a dead possum around your neck.
- Open your house to all the little orphaned snakes, rats and roaches in your part of the country.
- Allow yourself to be used as fish bait.
- Crawl on your belly over hot coals.
- Lie on your back on hot coals.
- Chow down on hot coals.
- Chow down on broken glass.
✓ Snort Cayenne peppers.
- Let Count Dracula give you a big smooch.
✓ Relax for lunch on the railroad tracks.
- Let your older brother try to shoot an apple off your head with his rocket launcher.
- Marry an insect.
- Marry someone just to cheer her up because she's miserable.
- Grow the hair in your nose fifteen feet long and give it a perm.