Recent reviews by plankbro

A racer is a racer, even in a nightmare.

Helldivers 2 wants to cut the meta out of their game. Their method of doing this is by gutting all the 'top tier' weapons/stratagems.

Ironically enough, making every tool equally mediocre only enforces a meta-reliant playerbase because the margin for error becomes low enough that people are incentivised to maximise every advantage they can get.

Adding DRM years after the game was released. Ridiculous

I am disappointed in the direction of the paywalls going forward from world 5 and onwards (looking at you king doot)

This is one of the best games I have ever played, but I just can't recommend it because of two of the worst design choices that are so egregious, I can't overlook them. These are the defender armor and waepons, and the quest progress required for multiplayer.

Defender armor and weapons. This is a line of armor and weapons that makes every single upgrade tree in the base game completely useless, removing any need for exploring any of the content offered in armor or weapons until you're into the Iceborne DLC. Absolutely ridiculous design choice and should be condemned for being the worst possible thing to put in a game.

Multiplayer, especially when you're progressing through the game with your friends, is an absolute nightmare, and would be seemingly broken if you didn't search it up beforehand. To play a quest together, you and your friends need to ensure you've seen any cutscenes that are triggered within the level, of which, most quests have a cutscene within. This means that to play together, you have to enter the quest, find the cutscene, watch it (all cutscenes are unskippable) and then quit the quest and join your friend after they see their cutscene. Completely ridiculous, and this method of cooperation should never be displayed in a video game.

Monster Hunter: World is seriously a masterclass in combat mechanics, but there are several design choices that are so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ STUPID that to recommend this game to anyone but people I know (since I can tell them to not use defender gear and tell them how the coop works) would be the worst crime I could commit.

Again, amazing game, but who the ♥♥♥♥ signed off on some of these design choices?

Get it for the campaign! Up there with the greats of FPS stories.

just make a show if you've got infinite cutscenes and dialogue and the worst, god-awful, subhuman combat system known to man. and I don't mean that in a 'boohoo its not a hack n slash'. this is straight garbage. clunky, unintuitive, buggy, disorienting, and every possible synonym for the word bad.
if you enjoy video games, get something else.
if you enjoy movies, get kingdo- go watch a movie.

My tale is a violent one. A tale about a journey that a man is unknowingly forced to trek when he faces an opponent of infinite patience. It is a lesson, and one that I learned all too late...

It all began years ago... decades at this point. I was a fearsome warrior in my time, the kind that was restless and ever eager for combat. They knew me by a fearsome title across the lands, however one that has been long forgotten since. There wasn't a single opponent that I knew defeat against, at least before I came to the Lands Between...

After my passing, which I met due to a shameful kayaking incident, the next thing I knew, I was in a macabre place called the Lands Between. Excited for the coming of battle, I rushed out into the world to fight in the name of glorious combat, and I came upon a hollow looking individual. He wore no distinct insignia, and all he had was a simple sword, and as we came to blows, it became clear that this was no contest. I was stronger and more skilled, however what came next would make me regret my hubris, even to this day. My opponent, having favored rapid attacks up to this point, began raising his sword. It was very slow, almost imperceptibly so. I couldn't understand the rationale behind it and yet, dauntless to my confusion, my opponent did nothing but raise his sword, ever higher, ever so slowly.

Something changed in me that day... I couldn't tell you why, but seeing my opponent do that... For a time, I merely observed, ready to dodge or deflect whatever it was they were charging up for, and yet it never came. If only I knew at the time, that this was where it all went wrong. Several minutes had passed at that point and I let my guard down, sheathed my sword and all. It wouldn't do me any honor to strike down someone who clearly wasn't threatening me, and yet my opponent just kept raising his sword, as if in preparation to strike, and yet they never did.

I walked away at some point. I couldn't tell you how many hours had passed, far too many to be sure. My opponent was as unceasing as ever, and I had satiated my curiosity. Walking away, I knew things would never be the same, and somehow, my bloodlust agreed with me. My fervent desire for battle was quenched, and so I pondered on my life. Now that I was at peace with myself and with the world, I turned to philosophy. There was so much I didn't know about the Lands Between, and so I started from the beginning. I traveled, meeting peculiar individuals with whom I shared my tale, and they shared theirs, and I learned from them, becoming wizened with time, something I sorely lacked in my youth.

Decades passed and I eventually settled down and a community naturally formed around me. It would seem during my travels I had gained a reputation for my wisdom, and the irony of comparing it to my past life always left me with a great deal of mirth. A safe haven was formed in the Lands Between, one I could call home, and even as the residents called to make me the leader or place me in a position of power, I had no such want for it, as I was content. I made do with my piece of land, upon which I cultivated the soil and sourced a cottage from the nature surrounding me. I was self-sufficient, and I was happy, and yet it would not last.

It was a cloudy day out, just past noon when it happened. I had just finished tending to my field and sat on my front porch watching the field, with not a care in the world. I heard it before I saw it. A grunt of exertion came from behind me, and as I turned to see the disturbance, there was a sword inches away from my face, and behind it, the same little swordsman from decades ago, when I first arrived at the Lands Between. The same one that changed me all that time ago. There was no rhyme nor reason to it, but there was no questioning it. I knew as I saw it, that this was the end.

As my life flashed before my eyes, I had a moment of clarity to realize that the swordsman was here to collect a debt made long before I had seen the cogs of fate. The swordsman had come to finally finish his attack. The one that rose imperceptibly slow, and it was my mistake to believe that the one before me had eventually quit raising their sword, and now I would pay for it.

I had waited so long for my opponent’s attack that I forgot about it. I had become distracted, and thus, I paid the ultimate price, as somewhere between when my opponent first began readying their attack and when I sat watching my life flash before me, I was no longer prepared to dodge or deflect the attack, and so I perished with only one thought on my mind ~ '♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ delayed attacks'

I am prepared to die edition

Of all my kingly possessions, this dagger I unsheathed from a stone claims its place as my greatest trophy