Recent reviews by 󠁳⁧⁧ 𝔱𝔞𝔧𝔬

The second I launched it, my PC let out a Windows startup sound I’ve never heard before. Not the normal one. It was like Gregorian chanting but in 240Hz. My FPS immediately jumped to +141,747,148. Not 141 million. Specifically 141,747,148. The number felt personal. My monitor started sweating frames. My GPU sent me a LinkedIn message saying “we up.” My CPU stood up out of the socket, cracked its knuckles, and said “light work.”

Then my cat walked in.

He looked at the crosshair once. Just once. He squinted. The room went silent. Suddenly he mogged me. Full dominance. Aura +10,000. He hit a 1080 no-scope on a dust particle mid-air, landed, didn’t even look at the screen, and my KD ratio in every game I’ve ever owned retroactively improved. I don’t know how that works. Don’t ask me. Ask physics.

At some point the crosshair started floating slightly above the center of my screen. Not misaligned. Just hovering. Judging me. I tried to move it and it whispered “you’re not ready.” My desk began levitating. My chair unlocked spectator mode. My RGB lights synced to a frequency only dolphins and cracked Valorant players can perceive.

Customization? Oh it customizes. I changed the color to green and my plants grew 3 inches. I changed it to red and my internet speed doubled out of fear. I made it a tiny dot and suddenly I understood advanced mathematics. I made it a giant neon circle and my neighbors started clapping through the walls.

At one point my PC reached so many frames per second that time itself buffered. My game didn’t stutter — reality did. My reflection in the monitor had better aim than me. My mouse DPI ascended into a new dimension. I moved it one millimeter and did a full 360 in real life.

The crosshair also improved my posture. I sat up straight involuntarily. My hydration levels increased. My credit score went up by 12 points. I’m not saying Crosshair X controls the stock market, but ever since I installed it, something has been different.

And the best part? My cat is now the main character. He watches me play with disappointment but also pride. Sometimes he taps the screen and the crosshair glows brighter. I think they’re communicating.

Overall review: 11/10. It didn’t just give me better aim. It gave me lore. My PC now runs on pure aura. My FPS is measured in myth. My cat still mogs me. But at least now I lose in 141,747,148 frames per second.