Pouches,

You’re the type of guy who was born sucking on your mom’s tit and haven’t stopped since. That doesn’t make sense, and it doesn’t have to, because you’re a little titty baby. No one thought you would even survive long enough to legally buy dip. You’re a pathetic poser. Life has been so sugarcoated for you that you find it hard to do even the most menial tasks on your own. You need someone to hold your hand as you make toast for ♥♥♥♥’s sake. “My lip hurts,” you ♥♥♥♥♥ to your friends. “These pouchies don’t hurt my gummies so much.” Shut up, you little ♥♥♥♥♥. You just shut the hell up and go back to sucking on your bottle.