Recent reviews by Crumpled Cock

Only have to pay for skins

YESS!! FORAKEN YESSW FORAEEKKKENN !@!!!

dead by daylight

I used to sit alone in my room staring at my computer for hours on end, no goals, and honestly, no future ahead of me. I was browsing the steam store soullessly one night before I was going to hop off and catch some sleep after 49 hours of League of Legends. That was when I saw this game. I browsed through the reviews and took a look at some of the trailers, and I was sold. I hit download and though I'd spend some time on it to see if I liked it before going to sleep.

Upon launching the game, I was greeted with some of the greatest music I've heard in my life. I never imagined music composition to manufacture such beauty. A few seconds into the song and tears were already streaming down my eyes. It was a miracle I didn't manage to burst into a sob and wake up my parents.

I kept my composure the best I could, and with my vision blurry as it was from the tears flooding my face, I created a guest account. The game finished loading, and I was able to gather my emotions since the music had stopped. The game first instructed me to hatch a Noggin. Upon completing that I was met with a new song that had began to form. It was missing many parts, but even with just the base I knew there was beauty to come.

I continued to follow the games instructions until I had a beautiful band composed, and the greatest melody of my life was reaching my ears. I couldn't get enough of this game. I played approximately 25 more hours before my mother instructed me to go to bed fearing for my health. I rested 6 hours before getting back up and rushing to play more. I played for days on end, attempting to waste as little time as possible on sleep, and saving as much as possible for My Singing Monsters.

Over time whilst my addiction to the game grew, I began to pick up the behaviors in which many of the monsters from the game had. I would find myself tapping my head to the beat of plant island as if I were a Noggin, or humming like a mammott in hopes of finding myself in front of the god himself. Either way, I spent enough time doing so that my parents eventually took me to the doctor. It was there that they decided to diagnose me with autism (what my parents had me call "fun disease")

Obviously this "fun disease" didn't stop me from playing my singing monsters though. I continued to play MSM day and night seeping as many hours as I could into it. I collected coins the second the monsters made them, waiting every second until I had enough to afford something new. The dopamine from getting a new monster was like a drug, one worse than anything that could be illegally sold.

The addiction reached its worst one night when I decided to ask my parents for $20 that I could spend on diamonds. I received the money, and bought myself some diamonds. With the new currency I was immediately able to get 3 new monsters. Dopamine was at an all time high. With this I began to associate money with diamonds in game. Every time anyone had ever mentioned an amount of money, my mind would convert it do MSM diamonds, and I would use that as a calculator to gauge how much something was really worth. I wanted more money to spend, but my parents weren't supportive of the financial decisions I was making... so.. I started stealing it.

Every Friday night my dad would be counting his money, and during that time I would always find a way to distract him, and have him leave the money on the counter. I did this and stole around $100 every week. Obviously the game had micro-transactions, so cash wouldn't mean anything to me. This is where I solved that problem; I gave the money to my older brother and had him take $10 for me to use the other $90 on his credit card.

It was genius, and had worked flawlessly for about 2 months. That was until my dad started to notice his overall income was about $400 lower than it should be every month. I ended up getting caught in the act, and when I was questioned about why I was stealing the money, I told him the truth. My dad felt no guilt when he looked upon me. He brought me back to the doctor, asking simply "what's wrong with me". The doctors simply referred my dad back to the fun disease, and we went right back home.

My dad talked to me less after that. He made sure he never left his money unattended, and I started to have withdrawals of not getting my MSM diamonds. I needed a way to get cash, and fast. I began to take breaks from eating in order to research how to get more money, but all of them took too much time and left me with less time for MSM. I decided I would find myself a job that I could play MSM while working. One interview later and I managed to get myself a job as a night guard. My job seemed simply enough, and my plan was to ultimately act as if I were doing my job, but just be playing MSM on my mobile device. It was genius, and my pile of diamonds would be replenished soon enough.

The first night of my job I had walked into the security office only to not receive a physical introduction. A phone on the desk rang, and upon picking it up I was informed on my responsibilities. I ignored most of it as I was staring down at my phone, but the important things I picked up were "power" and "animatronics". It was only after about 5 hours of keeping myself locked in my office did the power go out. The lights, doors, phone, everything. It all stopped functioning. I was freaked out, but my MSM was there to calm me. I sat in the darkness for a few moments, only my phone screen illuminating the nearby objects. It was then I heard it.

A chime from outside the left office door began, and I looked to see two big white glowing eyes staring at me, flashing occasionally. For the first time in years did my hands finally leave MSM voluntarily. I dropped my phone on the ground in pure fear, as the lullaby-esque chime abruptly ended. Left in the complete darkness, not even my phone light to illuminate anymore, I crawled into a ball and began to cry, knowing that whatever was outside of my office was not there to befriend me. I sobbed, and began to realize how much my life meant to me. I felt aware of how much of my life I was actually wasting on MSM, and in that moment I felt the regret of 1000 hell-bound souls.

My sobbing continued for what felt like forever, until I was frightened by the noise of the power reactivating. A doorbell tune notified me that I had made it to 6AM, and my first shift of working was over. I uncrumpled myself from my ball, and wiped away my tears. Someone knocked on the right office door, informing me that my shift was over, and I could return home. I sprinted for the exit, and made my way home, never even turning back for my phone.

It was on that walk home that I became the person I am today. I looked back on how I was living and understood there was something missing. Living the way I was living couldn't even be considered living. Relying on My Singing Monsters to get by would never amount to anything.

I decided to give up the game, and never return to it. I'm still working at my night guard job, which I am now writing this review before leaving for my 4th shift. I will be continuing to play games on steam however, because I can browse safely knowing that no hands untouched by god could make such a game to compare to this one; I can buy a game knowing that it'll be something I can just play for fun, and it'll never make me into what I was for the past few years.

So why is this review still positive? Why even after experiencing what I experienced do I think that this game was good? Well to put it simply, I think it changed me for the better; It was fate that I came across this game and it would end up leading me to a better life. Quite simply playing this game was a canon event.

Another thing you might be wondering is how all of this happened and I still have 6.3 hours? To that I answer: DMT is one hell of a drug.

The true ending is to leave all 3 women, and obtain inner peace. By that, you will become a wealthy man, who is alone yet peaceful, living a comfortable life rather than sharing it with some woman.

They say it takes 100 hours of Amorous to become a real man.