Things you need to know about me. First off if we go out, you're paying. Not just for me, but my wife if she shows up. And she's a drinker so prepare to pay double. Sex is also not guaranteed after that. If i'm interested, I'll place my wet and sticky underpants on the table. I will fold them in three and place in your handbag. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. I dislike women who aren't shallow. A+ if you wear my mom's perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left. I'm also unemployed and mentally handicapped but otherwise a real catch. I'm everything your mother want to date, and like my wife I like beer, but not just any beer, I like imported beers. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll probably will and do it for you. If you got that THICC ass money lil' man, put that ♥♥♥♥ up my ass and I will probably marry it rather than you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Also don't even try to check me out if you're poor, go date you're grandma living in your mom's basement. I like long walks on the beach with my other girlfriend until my amnesia wear off and I realize I'm dragging a stolen mannequin that was once from McDonald's fast food restaurant, that's probably why Ronald McDonald replaced it. ¯\_ツ_/¯ And when I was 12 btw, my family disowned me for a pack of condoms and candy from a naked bald douchebag wearing a stolen bikini from his ex, his man-boobs was flailing all over the place and he digs his nose every 10 second hoping to find something to feed it to his pet gorilla named "HairyAssManBabyWithHugeTitties". (These Are All Lies In Case You Actually Some How Believe This)