Louis Crabbmarchè's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 9:35pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 10:03pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 9:39am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 9:48pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 10:17pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 11:02pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 10:30am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 27 Nov, 2020 @ 6:20pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 28 Nov, 2020 @ 4:23pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 30 Mar, 2021 @ 9:19pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Unlocked 27 Nov, 2020 @ 6:41pm

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Unlocked 30 Mar, 2021 @ 8:38pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 7:09pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 7:59pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Unlocked 28 Nov, 2020 @ 3:33pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 4:53pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 9:55am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 7:02pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 8:45pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 30 Mar, 2021 @ 9:21pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 1 Feb, 2024 @ 6:32pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 27 Nov, 2020 @ 1:37pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 30 Mar, 2021 @ 8:43pm

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 7:22pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 3 Oct, 2021 @ 10:44pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 28 Nov, 2020 @ 3:47pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 9:39am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked 27 Nov, 2020 @ 6:18pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 10:40am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Unlocked 6 Feb, 2024 @ 4:03pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked 28 Nov, 2020 @ 5:03pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 21 Oct, 2021 @ 6:53pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked 28 Nov, 2020 @ 4:02pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 10:04pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 10:19pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 10:08am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked 27 Nov, 2020 @ 1:18pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 10:04am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked 1 Feb, 2024 @ 5:32pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked 20 Aug, 2020 @ 10:40am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 7:45pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Unlocked 30 Mar, 2021 @ 8:39pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked 1 Feb, 2024 @ 5:35pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

Unlocked 1 Feb, 2024 @ 6:07pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked 19 Aug, 2020 @ 11:05pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 6:55pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 4:52pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 8:49pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 10:30pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 11:52pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

Unlocked 28 Jan, 2024 @ 7:51pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 8:33pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 11:11pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

Unlocked 12 Dec, 2021 @ 10:02pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 9:55pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Unlocked 11 Dec, 2021 @ 10:42pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

Unlocked 4 Feb, 2024 @ 5:52pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

4,510 / 5,000