My wife and I decided to leave a full bowl of candy on the front porch and just let the trick-or-treaters take what they wanted. We were watching from the living room on a security camera and when a little demon would come up and empty the entire bowl we just went back out and filled it up. Surprisingly, only 4 people out of a couple hundred actually robbed the entire bowl of candy - I expected the number to be a lot higher. The only one that pissed me off was a mother trick or treating with a 2 or 3 year old boy - she emptied the entire bowl into his bag and started to walk off. I put my shoes on and chased them down - not to try to get the candy back but because I felt someone needed to tell that woman how back in nineteen ninety eight the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table.

I sexually identify as Rick Harrison. For 21 years I dreamed of working at my very own pawn shop with my old man and my son, Big Hoss. Call me retarded but I don’t care, I’m getting plasticsurgery to install 18th century muskets and vintage movieposters on my body. You can now refer to me as Rick Harrison and respect my right to not know WHAT is gonna come through that door. If you can't acceptme you're a pawnphobe and need to check your door privileges. Thank you for having a story and a price.

10. Paris Hilton - February 2, 2007

9. Charlie Sheen - June 19, 2008

8. Gwyneth Paltrow - June 1, 2012

7. Madonna - January 17, 2014

6. John Mayer - February 10, 2010

5. Lindsay Lohan - March 11, 2015

4. Justin Bieber - June 1, 2014

3. Martin Luther King Jr. - August 28, 1963

2. Pewdiepie - September 10, 2017

1. Obama - June 22, 2015

Please, take me and make my oil fields gush 💦 🛢️, Spank me with your big black drone ✈️ and tell me I've been a naughty rogue state 😈, I need your foreign aid all over me right now 🥵🤤. Open my market right up, and freedom right in. Run that big Abrams all over my field. Please daddy America 🇺🇸, I'll be your puppet you can do anything with me.

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas.

Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist.