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😙
Chris: Mom, can I be excused from the table? Stewie is gonna help me with my math homework.
Lois: Honey, don't be silly. He's only a baby.
Stewie: Right, and you are a regular Rhodes Scholar yourself. Where did you graduate from? The University of Duuuuhhh?
🤑
[Peter calls in sick to work]
Peter: Mr Weed, I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow. [Peter gets caught by his boss]
Peter: Remember that plane crash I had? It turned out to be gas.
😬
The number of licorice gumballs you get out of a gumball machine
increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
😴
Small is beautiful.
-- Schumacher's Dictum
🤐
When smashing monuments, save the pedstals -- they always come in handy.
-- Stanislaw J. Lem, "Unkempt Thoughts"
😘