I love committing crimes as a stereotypical Mexican sicario while wearing a flesh-materialed paper bag with a red handprint on it.

Innocent onlookers fear me as I run into a jewelry store, beat a guard to death with a bundle of rubber money, then bunny hop backwards into the back of an ice cream truck van with $37 in fake watches.

I also forgot my driver's license, social security card, birth certificate, and my wallet that had $700 already in it.

I spend my ill ♥♥♥♥♥♥ gains that day at Taco Bell and commit the greatest heist of all: taking several handfuls of Diablo sauce and stuffing them into my pockets.

As the clerk prepares to call the police, I pull an electric saw out of my ass and swing it wildly in the air until he drops the phone and cowers in fear.

Finally, I throw 6 flashbangs over the counter, bust my teeth against the door frame on my way out, and get back to the safehouse where I can listen to Ethan & Hila pretend that they're not a cash grab.

10/10