Recent reviews by Java

funny game, needs a mimic enemy that looks like players (i want to re-enact The Thing)

Ah yes, Resident Evil 6. The bastard child of the franchise, frequently held in contempt by a large majority of the fanbase. While the fanbase's arguments do have merit, they fail to see the areas that the game excels at. It stands apart from its predecessors, in both tone and gameplay. Do not let the title fool you, this isn't your grandfather's Resident Evil for PlayStation. Neither is it your daddy's Resident Evil 4. 6 drives the series off the cliff and into a pool of sharks, opting for high-octane action and lightning-fast gunplay. In this entry, one does not simply survive the horror, one conquers it. Achieving a professional level of play requires a deep understanding of the game's mechanics, from movement to gunplay, the graceful coup de grâce system, and everything in between. Many who criticize the game for "clunkiness" and "jank" simply haven't put in the time and effort to master its systems, and suffer for it.

okay guys, i think the normies are gone. anyway this game's pretty ♥♥♥♥, mercenaries is the best tho. 6/9

im doing this review for the steam event and im hoping to get mordhau from my wishlist. you can downvote this if you want

but yeah no this is pretty solid for what it's worth and there's this... monty python and the holy grail mod or whatever where you can hack off limbs and keep fighting, that's. that's pretty sweet.

i dunno if this game still holds up because i haven't even gotten to play its competitor yet, so.

The only game where you can Spider-Man upside down as a Russian hockey player with a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ AK and headshot a green haired Polish lady with a penchant for mines.

Oh yeah, it's also a really good FPS game in general, but who gives a ♥♥♥♥.

- Review for Steam Awards 2017, "Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War" Award

In recent times, games have slowly been inching towards more lofty endeavours. Whether it be to tell an interesting story with deep characters, or provide a realistic, heart-poundingly intense experience in a line of fire, games are slowly becoming more than just "fun".

This is not one of those games.

This game could not give less of a ♥♥♥♥ about a "story", possessing a typical, old-fashioned "revolution" storyline (no offense to the storywriters, but it's really pretty weak). This game could not give less of a ♥♥♥♥ about "realism", instead opting for janky-ass, insane physics that sometimes ♥♥♥♥ up, and strange weapons.

And for that, I absolutely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ love this game. Just Cause 3 reminded me that sometimes, games can be just fun and not much else.

You wanna drive around a beautiful country in a National Lampoon's "Vacation" style? You could totally ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ do that. (Just don't go over the speed limit or crash into anything, the police are anal about it).

Do you wanna go around in a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ jet, unload a ♥♥♥♥ ton of bombs on a military base, proceed to get out of said jet, grapple two destructible structures together, and pull it together like some kind of sadistic, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up Spiderman? You could totally ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ do that, too.

Just Cause 3 is one of the best examples of a sandbox that I've played in recent years, and an even better reminder of just how fun games can be. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ love this game.

TL;DR

Positives:
- you can blow things up
- fun as ♥♥♥♥
- great vehicle variety / control

Negatives:
- map environments are not as diverse as JC2 (but still beautiful)
- weak story
- physics is a bit janky sometimes

A definite improvement over its predecessors. 8/10, get it on sale if you can.

the art style of this absolute horror ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ betrays the amount of feces that will be excreted from your body when you reach the stranger, deeper depths of the subnautical planet displayed within this game.

without giving away too much of this game's actually existent lore (yes a game about swimming has lore), you'll start the first thirty minutes of the game getting used to the controls, ironically like a fish out of water, grabbing random ♥♥♥♥ from the shallow ocean floor and kidnapping fishes from the environment like a marine predator bound to be featured on chris hansen's hit show.

eventually when you expand your circle of exploration far enough, you'll proceed to encounter a red and white striped piece of ♥♥♥♥ who lives only to provide anguish and dismay to your playthrough, known as a leviathan.

as mentioned in isaiah 27:1 this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is a twisted serpent. sadly, unlike in isaiah 27:1, there is no god to save you from this tyrannical ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

it isn't even the biggest creature in the game.

6/10, would recommend. if you've played endless ocean on the wii but thought it could use a splash of h.r. giger's ♥♥♥ and some survival elements then this is the game for you.

a shooty game where russians shout incomprehensibly at you

varying gamemodes and maps, but the true hero in this game is the bomb defusal mode, especially on dust ii, where the physical incarnation of the law goes toe to toe with the jihad squad.

highly recommended to play with friends if you can


otherwise strap in for some salt

met up with friend

taunted and spammed messages in chat

got decapitated

10/10 great game