Sol Badguy deserves the world but more importantly I deserve him. In this 29 page essay I will explain the core and auxiliary reasons for why Sol Badguy needs to be married to me. It all started on November 14th 2022 in Southampton, UK. I had first seen the reveal of Testament for the hit fighting game GUILTY GEAR -STRIVE-. Testament is interesting for many reasons, which are explained in Appendix II.2. Having seen the eclectic and diverse cast of characters, one handsome and rugged man stood out to me; Sol Badguy. I had seen him in my dreams! A long ponytail, and his iconic headband (which I later learned was a Gear Cell Suppressant, explained in Appendix I.3) immediately captivated my mind. I was enthralled. It became my life's mission to learn about this character, from the lyrics of his theme song to the way he treated his ex wives (which was to say, not well but who can blame him).