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It has been quite a long time since we last heard from you! Our leading experts in the field have come to quite a conclusion! I regret to inform you that your ass is (Legally\Medically™) blasted!™(Patient Pending)
You may experience; Nausea, Vomiting, Bloody stools, Dizziness, Baited into pointless arguments, Blood clots, Anal disfigurement, and Fever.
If you have suffered any of these symptoms, please tell us the last four digits of your Social Security Number.
Thanks again,
Samuel Al'Hyde-a
Crack Dealer