I don’t play Bastion—I AM Bastion. You ever see that unkillable turret mowing down your team while Reinhardt questions all his life choices? Yeah, that’s me. The human embodiment of "SPRAY AND PRAY."

Other players rely on skill, strategy, and teamwork. I rely on SENTRY MODE and my REFUSAL TO SWITCH no matter how hard my team begs. Ana could be screaming for heals, and I’m just sitting there making BEEP BOOP NOISES while pumping out damage like a broken slot machine.

💀 MY BASTION BRAIN HAS TWO SETTINGS:
1️⃣ TURN INTO A TURRET.
2️⃣ CRY WHEN GENJI DEFLECTS MY ENTIRE CLIP BACK AT ME.

Other DPS mains are out here sweating, hitting trick shots, perfecting their mechanics—I'M OUT HERE TWERKING MY TURRET ASS ON POINT. My team reluctantly builds around me like I’m some kind of high-maintenance diva. If the enemy doesn’t focus me, that’s THEIR PROBLEM. If they do? Well, guess what—I'LL BE BACK IN 8 SECONDS.

🔥 At the end of the match, the PLAY OF THE GAME is always me DELETING A CLUELESS MERCY.
💀 DID I DESERVE IT? NO. WILL I APOLOGISE? ALSO NO.

In conclusion:
✅ I AM A MENACE.
✅ I AM A WAR MACHINE.
✅ I AM THE REASON HALF THE OVERWATCH COMMUNITY HAS ANGER ISSUES.

And if you ever hear “DWEE DOO DWOO BEEP”… it's already too late. 😈