Recent reviews by Sir Cumsized

Tons of enemies to kill, large levels to play in, brutal difficulty, plenty of secrets to find, co-op, and Sam is an awesome dude with a corny sense of humor. First Person Shooters don't get any better than this.

This game is pretty fun, both with your friends or even by yourself. It has almost everything you could want in a mingolf game. Want to paint your ball your favorite color and have it wear silly hats? Go ahead! Is normal minigolf not challenging or frustrating enough for you? Play a custom game, where you can turn your ball into different shapes that affect how you hit it, and turn on things like low gravity, collusion, and more! Starting to get tired of vanilla minigolf? Try the new dunk game mode, which turns the game into both minigolf and basketball!

Right now it has six different maps you can play, and It gets updates every now and then for more maps and bug fixes. A minor gripe I have is that I wish there was steam workshop support for more maps and such. Other than that though, I really like this game, so thumbs up.

Alien Swarm was an awesome and really hard mod released in 2010 that was a ton of fun to play coop in and shoot hordes of bugs with your friends. Imagine something like "Left 4 Dead meets Starship Troopers". Yeah, it was pretty great, but sadly Valve only released one campaign for it and never did much else for it, meaning that the game got kind of old quickly.

Thankfully, Reactive Drop came in and Alien Swarm finally got the update it so richly deserved, something I feared would never happen, but much to my delight did.

Now there's tons of new maps and campaigns to play, new weapons to play with, a single player mode with bots, support for the steam workshop, and eight players can play online coop now instead of just four. And the game is still totally free to boot. If you're looking for a game where you can kill tons of things with a handful of your friends or even by yourself, I highly recommend this one. Two thumbs way, way up.

Boy, there's so much to like about this game it's hard to even find a place to start. I won't spoil anything, but Night in the Woods captures life in a tiny and run-down town really well. The visuals/graphics are gorgeous, and along with the music, sets the mood of the game quite nicely. There's plenty of exploring to do and secrets to find that add to the games thrill factor. The characters all have their own distinct personality, a story people can relate to, and are otherwise very likeable. There's replayability involved so you can always see what you've missed during your first playthrough.

So yes, if there's a GOTY category for "short but sweet", I'd say Night in the Woods is a rather strong candidate. I highly reccommend it, and hopefully the internet/fanbase/whatever doesn't beat it into the dirt.

I've played and loved just about every duke nukem game that has ever existed, including fan-made levels and episodes. So when I heard that a game celebrating duke's 20th anniversary was coming out with a new episode, I was overjoyed and preordered it immediately. I wish I had put way more thought and investigating into this before doing that, because today I'm taking off my rose-colored nostalgia glasses to say this is easily the worst installment of duke 3d right now, for several reasons.

1. The new episode (and main selling point) is kinda fun but also woefully short, and it only took me around two hours to complete it during my first time playing it. The new enemy is a crushed sprite of the assault troopers and don't do much other than be annoying, not to mention the final boss is so easy it was practically a joke to fight.

2. A minor complaint, but the old episodes don't have anything new included in them aside from the dev commentary, which there's tons of in some areas but very little of in others. I thought a new remastered release of old content would have some new updates and changes added to all the old levels, but nope.

3. Duke's voice is about the only thing that sounds high-def here. All the other sounds---the music, gunfire, enemies, ect.---sounds muffled beyone belief, like someone's smothering them with a pillow. It's actually pretty impressive how a re-release can actually sound worse than the original DOS version that was released 20 years ago.

4. The game has integrated steam workshop support, but unlike the Megaton Edition, there doesn't seem to be a way to play fan-made mods and levels that you can download from duke modding websites and communities. In fact, there barely seems to be any kind of customizing at all. Nice PC options like the ability to turn off auto-aim and mouse acceleration are nonexistent here. Seriously.

5. Easily the most unforgivable aspect of World Tour is that it has been stripped clean of Life's a Beach, Duke it out in DC, and Nuclear Winter. Whether you liked the expansions or not, that's easily half to two-thirds of the game's content missing right there, and the only feasible explanation for this is they're going to try to sell it to you as DLC later.

6. The Megaton Edition had all the the expansion packs, customizability, and looked and played just fine, yet it was only $10. World Tour is more like a trainwreck instead of a remaster, but they want you to pay $20 for it. And just to cement that this was a blatant cash grab, they pulled the Megaton Edition out of digital stores to try to get you to buy this one, meaning if you want Megaton you're SOL unless you can find someone selling steam keys.

I know that this review probably sounds long overdue, but there's a reason for that. For some reason steam wouldn't let me post my review of this game for several weeks and I'm not quite sure why. But in any case, I hope that one day that this game's problems get fixed, they add more new content and the lost content gets restored so I can make this a positive review. But for now, Duke Nukem 3D: 20th Anniversary World Tour is pretty much GearBox taking a whole pie that costed $10, eating all but one slice of it, then putting a stale cherry on top of said slice to try to sell it to you for $20.

For those of you who never played the original Postal, I'll let you know that it wasn't a wacky and silly game like Postal 2 is. This game tried its hardest to be as offensive as possible. It was an isometric shooter that had only one goal in mind: kill as many cops/swat/soldiers/ect as you could while innocent civilians run around in the crossfire, until the game allows you to move on to the next level. Postal 1 caused quite a stir during 1997 in both the media and in politics, but combined with mindlessly fun gameplay and dark attempts at humor, the game became the definition of a cult classic.

For those of you who have played the original Postal, this redux version polished a lot of the old things while adding in a bunch of new things. The graphics look far better, there's new levels to play on, there's a brand new "rampage" game mode that adds more playability, it supports 4 player coop, and there's a new revolver to shoot people with. But probably the best thing about this Postal Redux is that the dreadful controls from the original have been fixed. Gone are the tanky and sluggish feeling the old game had for controls, they've been replaced with full mouse support. Things like moving around, aiming, and shooting feels natural and is a breeze to do now.

My only real complaint is that it feels like there's much less dark humor in this redux than there was in the original. However, if you're a fan of the postal series, or just like playing games with wanton and senseless amounts of violence, Postal Redux is well worth the $8.99 to buy it. 4.0/5.0

Brink was promised to be the next big thing of the FPS genre and Bethesda's legendary smash hit. Unfortunately it was far too rushed so the developers could meet corporate deadlines, meaning it couldn't possibly deliver everything that it had promised, and what we did get wasn't optimized very well. The result was extremely underwheming gameplay. By the time they got around to fixing these problems, the vast majority of the playerbase abandoned it and didn't come back. Huge shame too, considering the amount of potential Brink had to be one of the best games ever, and I preordered it because I thought it was going to be just that.

The dedicated online multiplayer servers are long gone, so there's really not much reason to recommend this one anymore. Unless you like playing by yourself on singleplayer with bots.

I never really liked or even cared for tabletop strategy games, but a handful of my friends had Armello and insisted that it was super fun, so I decided to get it anyway. And I'm honestly glad that I did! Once I got used to all the game mechanics and learned all the rules and characters and such, I was hooked. Even after all these hours played, I still have a blast both online and offline, trying to get powerful items and followers while either avoiding or killing enemies, perils and other players in a race to defeat the corrupted king and become the new ruler of Armello. And the graphics, artstyle and effects are nothing short of gorgeous.

As fun as I consider this game though, it's not without its faults. For example, at times it feels like it's just far too luck based. You're constantly at the mercy of an unforgiving RNG, whether it be something like fighting another enemy or player, or just trying to complete a quest. Should the RNG decide that it hates you, you're in for a rough time, whether it be failing a quest and not getting items that you want, or dying constantly and having to start from your clan grounds over and over. There's also this really annoying bug that happens every now and then. Sometimes when a player ragequits, the game will pause and lock up, making the game unable to continue and forcing you to start a new game (hopefully that will be fixed though).

But still, despite these flaws I still think that Armello is a really nice and well-made game. Definately a great game to play solo, or with friends to either encounter shenanigans together or to annoy the heck out of them. 4.0/5.0

So the Duke Nukem 3d 20th Anniversary World Tour is going to be released soon, so in order to celebrate I decided to play Duke Nukem Forever again, to see if I hated it as much now as I did when I preordered it. So, do I still think it's the worst game ever? Well...no. I've certainly played games that were much worse. But I still think it's pretty bad.

Duke Nukem Forever is guilty of using just about every gimmick and cliche used in FPS games made in the 2000-2009 era, and I wish I was joking. Magically regenerating health, limited stamina, only being able to carry two weapons, forcing you to solve puzzles to progress, events where you either have to take control of a turret or drive a vehicle...you name it. But out of all these tired and overdone cliches, what really seals the coffin on this game for me is that this game is made up entirely of quicktime and scripted events, and the levels are so linear there's no room for any exploring whatsoever.

In other words, instead of the fast-paced and intense gameplay in a large map that required us to explore high and low for secrets, health, ammo and keys to progress, while at the same time trying not to die to entire armies of aliens? That's all been replaced with linear paths, scripted events and NPCs that refuse to let you progress until you've either killed a few aliens the game wanted you to kill, or force you to listen to meaningless dialogue that adds little or nothing to the game, but thought you should listen to it anyway.

So did Duke Nukem Forever do anything correctly? Kind of. Duke is still that womanizing horndog that we got to know and love in 1996 that spews one liners and cracks jokes. However, unlike Duke 3d where it was done with some moderation, this game feels like it was filled to the brim with almost nothing but toilet humor and nudity galore. Not necessarily a bad thing, but my goodness does it tend to get old quickly.

I didn't exactly expect Duke Nukem Forever to be a masterpiece after waiting for more than a decade for it to come out, but I did expect it to be something refreshing and new. Unfortunately it was neither of these things, and while I don't think it's the worst game ever, I've played far too many games that were just like it. 1.5/5.0

Personally I feel this game is much more enjoyable the less you know about it before you play it, so I'll try my best to keep my review simple and spoiler-free.

I was very reluctant to try this game out myself since I tend not to be swayed by hype alone, but a friend ended up gifting me it, so I dutifully decided to at least give it a shot. Honestly I'm glad that they convinced me to, because Undertale is actually a nice and well-made game. The gameplay is pretty fun and even challenging at times, has a good soundtrack, tons of humor, and all the choices you make actually do matter and affect the gameplay and ending and such, which does add a fair amount of replayability.

Undertale - it's only as disturbing or as heartwarming as your actions are. 4.5/5.0