Hey. I just wanted to tell you that I wasn't trying to teabag you in that game. I crouched down cuz it wouldn't let me pick up your weapon but i forgot you can't pick up weapons in that game. Then someone was shooting at me so I crouched to avoid their shots. I thought I had toggle crouch on but didn't so I hit it a few times till I realized it wasn't even on. Sorry for the mix up, I'm not that type of gamer. Then when I said "get wrecked you suck at this game", it was actually my kid brother who typed it. We have our computers side by side so that when we play minecraft we don't have to use Discord. He used my keyboard accidentally because his chocolate milk was on my side. Thanks for understanding.

Anyways I (m55) don't think I'm (m55) the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (o) but my daughter (f21) hasn't gotten out of her hospital bed to apologize yet so I (m55) think this might be a lost cause. The worst part is my (m55) wedding ($90 000) is tomorrow and I (m55) don't need the extra stress either.

Hi reddit I'm a dad (m55) and basically my wife (f53) died three days (-3d) ago (rip) and I'm (m55) already engaged (6 months) with the love of my life (f22) who I (m55) met at the funeral (-2d). She's (f22) cute and quirky and all around the best woman I've ever met (69). So my (m55) lazy good for nothing narcissistic toxic problematic daughter (f21) thinks I (m55) moved on too quickly and said I (m55) shouldn't become engaged to her (f21) best friend (f22) because she (f21) is still mourning. Who the ♥♥♥♥ does she (f21) think she (f21) is to dictate my (m55) happiness and what I (m55) do with my (m55) life? So I (m55) told her (f21) to grovel before her (f21) new mother's (f22) feet (size 6) and apologize for her (f21) insolence or I (m55) would break her (f21) spine (t1 - t12). She (f21) refused so I (m55) grabbed my (m55) sledgehammer ($45.60) and smashed (3000N) her (f21) spine (t1 - t12) to pieces (<10cm) and now she (f21) refuses to speak to me (m55)?

Ok look, peeing with a boner is NOT hard despite what nearly every male says. Its literally easier than peeing without one. Imagine you have a water gun. Is it easier to aim it when its normal or when the plastic has been melted down to the point where its floppy and uncontrollable? Definitely when its normal because its stiff and aims in one direction, like a boner. And if that isnt enough, you can literally just hold it with your hand, dont ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ act like youre too scared to touch your ♥♥♥♥ while youre peeing because we all know two minutes ago you were rubbing it out to hentai. ♥♥♥♥ you. Also you still owe me 10 from last Saturday can you get me it tomorrow?

+Trader, good rep

Someone on Reddit: *mentions the holocaust*

Amazing and hilarious commenter:
🚨WEEOO WEEOO AMAZING JOKE ALARM 🚨 ARE YOU READY TO HAVE YOUR MIND AND PROSTATE ROCKED? EONS AGO, THE DWARVES ON TOP OF MOUNT EVEREST FORGED THIS JOKE WITH THE POWER OF A MILLION STARS, AND NOW IT HAS RETURNED A MILLENNIA LATER TO BE PLACED INTO THIS MEDIOCRE COMMENT. SO GET YOUR POPCORN AND YOUR COKE-COLA BECAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO LAUGH SO HARD THAT YOU WILL TRANSCEND THIS LIMITING PHYSICAL FORM. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IS THE MAGNUM OPUS OF COMEDY.

Comment: I did nazi that coming.

*sirens blare, the earth reforms into Pangaea, and existence as we know it is warped, causing the sun to explode, and earth to be swallowed into oblivion*