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35 of 89 (39%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2021 @ 3:58am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 11 Jun, 2022 @ 1:04pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2022 @ 8:13am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2021 @ 4:14am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2022 @ 9:24am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 20 Nov, 2022 @ 5:21am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 26 Nov, 2022 @ 12:02pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2022 @ 1:24am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2022 @ 6:09am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2022 @ 4:34am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2022 @ 12:47am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 26 Nov, 2022 @ 10:54am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2022 @ 10:20am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2022 @ 5:32am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2022 @ 9:51am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 7 Jun, 2022 @ 11:26am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 7 Jun, 2022 @ 11:34am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 26 Nov, 2022 @ 12:42pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2022 @ 1:28am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2021 @ 4:26am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2022 @ 1:13am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 26 Nov, 2022 @ 12:51pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2021 @ 7:40am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2021 @ 3:53am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2022 @ 9:25am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2021 @ 4:44am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 9 Jun, 2022 @ 6:09am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 7 Jun, 2022 @ 11:06am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2022 @ 9:28am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 14 Dec @ 7:08am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 28 Aug, 2021 @ 5:24am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 27 Nov, 2022 @ 8:17am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 26 Nov, 2022 @ 10:21am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2021 @ 7:46am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 29 Aug, 2021 @ 7:39am



Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
1 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
3 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
29 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
0 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
0 / 20

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+13

13 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked