spider spider spider please dismiss these writers

•Before the match starts, don't press accept. It's a test.
•The P in P90 stands for Pro. Like you.
•When told to pick up the AWP, stare at it and go AFK.
•Don't buy kits, this is actually team death match, the bomb wont ever get planted.
•You are amazing with the desert eagle, don't let anyone ever tell you different, not even the scoreboard.
•Very important: That thing attached to some guns is called a silencer, and you have to take it off because it reduces damage a lot and will get you more kills.
•VAC is a good anti cheat.
•Skins make you better at the game.
•When a teammate asks for a drop, drop them your handgun.
•Never adapt to the game. Don't betray yourself like that. Just do the same thing over and over again and wait until it works.
•Dust 2 is the only map in the game. There aren't any others. Don't argue.
•If you lose the first round. You MUST ALWAYS Eco/Save. Which means buy armour and an SMG/Shotgun of your choosing.
•When going through doors, always make sure that you block the doors so no one can pass. Ignore the hate of your teammates, you're pro and you're gonna get mad kills. You're also shielding them from bullets. How nice of you!
•Crouching doesn't improve accuracy, but do you know what does? Jumping! Be a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kangaroo and watch the mad kills pour in. ♥♥♥♥ EVERYONE LOVES KANGAROOS.
•50 points to Gryffindor every time you change weapons.
•State that all SMG's take skill to use from no less than 4 inches away. Your gun is cheaper so it is worse. Rub it in with a teabag afterwards. Especially if you have a P90.
•Always tell the opposing team to good luck and have fun when warm-up ends. At half time, treat them like they murdered your family. (Be sure to take note of their nationality!)
•If you see a chicken in your gameplay, you absolutely must under any circumstance, kill that damn chicken. It must die. THIS IS NON NEGOTIABLE.
•Recoil control is a myth. Like Bigfoot.
•If you need to get around the map in a hurry, get out your Negev.
•The PP-Bizon is the discount Negev.
•Don't waste money on a helmet. $350 is too expensive. You wont die. Ever.
•You need to Look at the ground where you are going make sure you don't trip!
•What the ♥♥♥♥ is strategy?