Recent reviews by Djaxn

All of the positive short blurb reviews to date are fake, with almost no gameplay time and inane comments.

It's just like F.E.A.R., only it's not challenging, scary, interesting, or fun. Bottom of the barrel, even for Unity.

No options to speak of. Some controls can be rebound. Some cannot. None are documented. Jump scares are yawn scares. Game is yawn game.

Archibald's Adventures[wki.pe] is a fun puzzle-platformer, developed by Rake In The Grass[wki.pe] studio. It was originally released as a mobile app, on iOS and Palm, in 2008-2009, and subsequently on Play Station Portable, PSP, PS3, MacOS and Windows. It wasn't released on Steam until this month.

It has an easy learning curve and very simple controls, which cannot be remapped. It is much more puzzler than platformer. You have all the time you want to look at a level and figure out what needs doing before taking any action. Each level has ample auto-save points, so you don't have to start at the beginning every time you fail. It's by no means a short game. There are a couple hundred hundred levels.

It looks, feels, and plays like a mobile app, which isn't odd, because it is one. I think I would actually prefer to play it on my tablet than on a big screen, since it seems to me like it would be more enjoyable in shorter spurts of time than in long sessions, much in the same way I prefer to play chess puzzles on my tablet. But the devs have stated on the iTunes store, where it is still available for download, that they have no intention of releasing an Android port. And I have no intention of ever buying an iAnything.

It's a bit over-priced. I think it should be $3.99 on Steam, which is how much it costs on the App Store. I'd watch for a sale greater than 10%, which I wouldn't be surprised to see during the Summer Sale. Even at five bucks though, if you like puzzle games, you should enjoy this one.

In the fine tradition of Digital Homicide's previous so-called "games", comes another piece of garbage.

• Monotonous. Every level is the same. What you see in the video on the Store page is all that happens in the entire game.
  
• Left, right, fire, duck and "cast spells" are the only actions.
  
• Controls cannot be redefined.
  
• No customization. No settings of any kind, not even one to start a new game.
  
• At the time of this review, only one of the four positive reviews has any comment at all. And it consists of a single blurb, made by another game studio with a private profile.
  
• Ridiculously taxing on your CPU, even on low settings, especially in later levels where there is more activity on the screen. (This is not to say that these levels are in any way more complicated, challenging, or fun than those previous.)
  
• Aɴᴅ Mᴏsᴛ Pᴀᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄ Oғ Aʟʟ: You cannot aim at enemies, and likewise, they have no ability to target you. They fire straight in front of them, regardless of your position. You can literally stand in the middle, right where you start, and press fire repeatedly. Any enemy in front of you will be mowed down, and all the other enemies will stand bunched up firing straight ahead, never hitting you. You'll be told you've passed level after level, and all the enemies are still there and remain there forever. When a boss level comes, he too can be defeated by just standing there firing. He'll walk back and forth, in and out of your firing line and eventually die. I'm totally serious. I tried to record a video of it but it's so CPU intensive that I couldn't get a good copy. But here is a screenshot[imgur.com] of me fighting the first boss, having gotten there by pressing only fire; no move, no duck, no spells. Defeated him. Never took a single hit of damage. No joke.

Absolutely worthless excuse for a game. And absolutely no surprise to see it was made by Digital Homicide. Worthless is what they do best.

0/10

This is the second title I've played by Rai Studio Games. It is just as simplistic, shoddy, and worthless as Base Squad 49. It just looks a little better. I have not yet played their second Steam title, Land of Devastation, and will not do so unless I get a free key, as I did with this one and BS49. The only penny I'll ever give to this sorry excuse for a "developer" is the penny they'll get when I sell one of their trading cards. And that's more than this game is worth.

• Seven levels, all of which involve doing what you see in the video on the Store page, and nothing else.
  
• The tutorial level (which is one of the seven), only has instructions for tablet controls.
  
• The mouse/keyboard controls—once you figure them out yourself—are good, if you like clicking the bottom corner of the screen over and over.
  
• Cannot remap controls.
  
• No options screen at all except to change your squirrel's color (three choices: spotted tail, striped tail or plain tail, all of them with the same-colored squirrel).
  
• Music is annoying synthesized loops that gets tiresome almost as soon as you start listening to it.
  
• No save/load system. There would be no point. There's nothing you'd want to save.
  
• Trading cards still don't work, nearly three weeks after the game's launch.
  
• Achievements are simplistic and meaningless. All of them involve merely completing levels and tasks x number of times.
  
• Aɴᴅ Mᴏsᴛ Iᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛʟʏ: loaded with fake positive reviews from the get-go, just like Base Squad 49. Ignore them. They are bogus. No one could possibly enjoy playing this game. I did play it. And it did suck.

0/10

Addendum:
NINE DAYS LATER - ZERO RESPONSE FROM DEVS RE TRADING CARDS

I never thought I'd say this about any game. I didn't even think it was possible. But in its present state, it's worse than a Digital Homicide game.

- Only 3 actions: left, right, left-click to fire (all using mouse).
- Cannot change controls without third party program or scripting.
- 1 single board/map. The one in the pictures. For every level.
- Same 3 enemies that walk swinging their arms back and forth. For every level.
- Speed of game slows to a crawl in later levels, without very high system specs.
- Bullet range also decreases in later levels, due to same issue. More Info
- Utterly monotonous game-play.
- Building one single wall is the only defense measure.
- Cannot buy weapons. They are dropped randomly, with very limited ammo.
- Cannot buy weapon upgrades. They don't exist.
- Achievements are all obtainable by merely finishing the game.
- Non-responsive "team" of dev's.

This video shows a late level at which point the game has slowed to a crawl. The earlier stages are on the same board, same enemies, and just a little bit more fun to play.

This[imgur.com] describes my thoughts on "What The Developers Have To Say", using as little snarkiness as I could muster.

It is currently on sale for 4% off (seriously?). In its present state, it's not worth 4 cents.

I will update this review if anything improves. Don't expect much.

0/10

POV looks like you're always crouching when you're standing.
Overuse of same assets (beartrap...beartrap....beartrap...)
Cannot remap the sluggish, wonky controls.
Cannot adjust mouse sensitivity.
Cannot adjust brightness.
Cannot save progess.
Cannot use common widescreen resolutions (e.g. 1366x768, 1680x1050, 1920x1080)
Cannot enjoy such a game, even at the price, which was free.

2/10

Absolute POS.

The enemies don't move or react in any way, other than a little weapon fire arm and head bobble. They might as well be turrets. Each enemy is always in the same place. They do not duck, do not hide, do not chase you. They just stand there like statues going pkew pkew.

You cannot crouch or use anything for cover.

The enemies can shoot through objects. They can shoot through walls. You can't shoot through walls. You can pick up boxes and exploding barrels through walls, though.

You regenerate health at a charging station, available ever few dozen paces, by standing next to it. No animation. It does make bubbles though. And you just have to stand near it for a moment. You can then walk away and your health will continue regenerating to 100%. It's magical.

There is no story or anything at all justifying the use of the word "hitman". The use of the word "galaxy" is also a stretch. The game should be called Hallway Statuemen.

Remapping controls before startup does not work. Default control key mappings persist. Resetting them to default can only be done by editing the registry.

There are six levels, or "Bases" to clear out. But there is really only a single map. You clear the first couple hallways on the first "Base". The hallways are about twenty paces long. The second Base is the first two hallways of the first Base, with each stationary enemy shooting from the same position as before, plus a little more of the map. There's a some variations in starting point and route. But everything—if "everything" can be used aptly when describing a game which consists of practically nothing—is the same as the previous Base, including enemy placement.

When I finished, I hit an exploding barrel while finishing off the last enemy. We both died, and then it said game completed. I exited, and the music kept playing after it was closed. What a game.

Digital Homicide's business model appears to be: 1) Hastily make brief, shoddy games using prefabricated assets. 2) Give out thousands of free keys for them. 3) Hope that there is really is no such thing as bad publicity. Personally, if I made games this vacuous, I wouldn't advertise it to anyone.

Music loop is six seconds long with minor variations. Enemies do not chase you unless you are very near tham. Enemies, ammo, and health endlessly respawn in same place. No indication of enemies approaching from behind except some static red blood drops on the screen, which don't disappear thereafter, even if you reach 100% health. Levels are endless, you can't kill all enemies because they respawn. How does this stuff get greenlit? Are there any Unity games that don't suck?

Would get for free and mock again.

It's like a three-rail combo pool shot spun itself into a cocoon and emerged as a neon butterfly. Very cool game. Ever wished you could make a twelve rail pool shot? This game will let you accomplish such a feat.

Great graphics, sublime soundtrack, and a zen-like feel where you have infinite time to place, adjust, and replace your moves, looking to find one of many possible solutions to each puzzle.

With an editor in development, it will end up having tons of community created content as well.

Highly recommended.

Best. Mod. Ever.

Words cannot do it justice, but I have a few to laud it.

If I had the money, I would buy everyone a copy, so these guys could go pro and do this full time. I daydream about them, or a similarly passionate and devoted team, doing a similar treatment of Quake II or Return To Castle Wolfenstein using the Id Tech 5 Engine.

There is a huge, untapped nostalgia-based market for remakes like this, just as there was, and is for remakes of classic films. But only when they are done well. And this mod is.

The only con about this game are those incessantly whining for Xen before its time. This mod has taken years to reach this amazing state of polish. I have no doubt that every minute spent waiting for Xen will be worth it.

If any game on Steam is a must-own, it is this one.

If any mod devs in the world are a must-hire for Valve, they are these.

∞/10