Recent reviews by ArgentumOne(1)

I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate ♥♥♥♥ Meier's Civilization V so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ much. Every single time my friends and I try to play this waste of drive space, inevitably, we waste two or more full hours of our ever-shortening lives desperately trying to troubleshoot why it crashes the instant the lobby starts. It is a game held together with barbed wire and duct tape. The fact that the people who conspired with the Devil himself to develop this thing continue to survive on a daily basis is living proof that eugenics does not work.

This is not a video game. It is an exercise in stretching my ever-thinning patience. It is an identical experience to going to a restaurant and coloring on the table with the crayons they give a child with a kids' menu, and that experience is simultaneously more fulfilling and less expensive than the thirty dollars and nine gigabytes required to play Civilization V.

Those who enjoy this experience, without a shred of irony, more closely resemble grapefruits than they do human beings. They are easily stimulated Skinner box victims who lack higher cognitive functioning. They live their daily lives entranced by hexagons and think, wrongly, that horses are equivalent in value to the very iron that I will use to fashion a large rod with which I will use to stove in their ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ skulls. Liking "Sid Meier's," if that even is his real name, Civilization V ought to be grounds for immediate ventilation from civilized society. I hate this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game.

please buy this game whenever a sale's up and buy copies for everyone you know, we need more players

a game scientifically calibrated to kill anyone over the age of 40, truly one of the video games ever made

I can't even get in, either because the servers are dead or the account log in systems are dead.

-joined world mode
-i joined up with goldmen
-we had a deal with pentacom, white disk for 2k
-when we got to the deal spot, eastern park, we saw that pentacom was in a full scale shootout with nexaco
-so we helped out our boys in black and white and shot up nexaco's employees together
-so
-we get back to base
-we get another deal with pentacom
-we go to their base
-pentacom proposes an alliance to wipe out nexaco
-we accept
-the goldcom union, LLC. goes to the nexaco base
-asking for jobs
-nexaco has none of it, opens the door, and opens fire
-we return fire
-the resulting firefight took over five minutes
-at the end
-it was me
-a hapless civilian
-and two nexaco employees looking for me
-i was hiding out by the side of their base
-i beckon the civilian, as i was nearly out of ammo and he had some for the gun i had
-so i ask him to do lookout
-as he turns his head, i execute him for his precious bullets
-the gunshot attracts the nexaco employees
-as they round the corner together, they take bullets to the brain, as im hosing them down with my m16 from behind a blue minivan, screaming over voice chat like rambo
-i walk back to pentacom, having no cars available, dragging a nexaco employee's body
-i ascend to legendary war hero status
-i am hailed as king
-so
-my first act as king
-i go to the gun store down the street to buy a fellow employee some ammo
-another pentacom employee is there
-he is oblivious to his new monarch
-as he sees a man in a gold suit and tie leave his building and walk to the gun store he decides on a course of action
-he runs me over
-as im bleeding out, i hear lots of shouting
-i see that pentacom dragged him to the floor and at least five of them just ice him with automatic weapons
-regrettably, i bled out before they could patch me up

This game is worth every damn penny of the $20 purchase price. If you can smooth-talk your way to victory, do it. The world's greatest shenanigans are bound to follow.