Análises recentes de sencative grammer experrt

If you like multiplayer-only games with bad bots, no playerbase, generic levels, awful hitboxes, ineffective weapons, no auto-run, and graphics so poorly-designed you literally cannot tell if your shots are hitting an enemy unless you stare at their healthbar, then boy howdy is this ever the game for you.

A vacuous 3D platformer with a crummy camera, uninspired level design, bad writing and dialogue that cannot be skipped, and music that sounds like someone noodling on a keyboard for a minute using the bare-bones Windows General MIDI soundfont (translation for those who aren't sound nerds: the music you'd hear on a Geocities webpage in the 1990s).

It did go on sale for five cents at one point in time, so for that particular price it's hard to get too disgusted. However, at the time of this review it's $1.19, and at that price I can manage a thumbs-down without much guilt.

If it's a nickel, pick it up for the trading cards, but be prepared to find about a nickel's worth of entertainment.

Okay, let's get real here: A lot of people say "oh, poop? Haha yeah sure I like it as much as the next person, nothing weird about me or anything ha ha, poop is 'dope' and 'rad'" or whatever, just so they can sound "cool" and fit in and whatnot. I can't blame them for being poop poseurs but I can't respect them for it either.

I'm not like that. I really do love poop, and pooping, and basically anything involving poop and pooping. I don't just love poop - I ♥♥♥♥ poop, and yes, I deliberately did a cuss there just so everyone reading this review will know that I truly heart heart heart heart poop. I name my poops. I talk to my poops. I clap when I poop. Hell, sometimes I even do the wave. I reminisce about my poops. I'm not afraid to admit it - if I could marry poop I almost certainly would, but my heart would be torn between wanting to marry poop and wanting to marry the process of taking a poop, which I love every bit as much as I do the actual poops it results in. Girls are nice, but poop is far better, and when I proclaim that "b­itches ain't sh­it", I mean it - and I mean it in a very, very different way than Eminem (or, as he was known at that time, "Vanilla Ice") did when he coined that phrase.

So if a game has "poop" in the title, involves pooping, and even lets you choose where to poop, it really, really has a long way to go before I'll give it a thumbs-down.

And yet here we are.

The trailer is deceptive - each of the game's stages is a static screen, with no ability to pan or rotate in any direction. Since the "object" of the game is to barf poop at specific targets, which can be anywhere along the game's z-plane, this can be remarkably frustrating - imagine trying to line up a headshot when you're forced into a top-down perspective.

While the trailer makes the game look like a "chaos simulator sandbox", sort of vaguely along the lines of Goat Simulator or, for those of you who have heard of it, Demolition Inc, there's barely any actual chaos to be found here - people run around aimlessly once you hit them with poop, but you're not going to get to poop on a waiter who then runs into a bicyclist who swerves into a car which plows into a tree and blah blah blah. "Combos" just mean hitting targets with poop and not missing in-between (and with the game's crummy camera angle, missing is a lot easier than it sounds).

All you get are three stages, each with its own "special weapon": New York is a giant ball of poop that explodes into hundreds of little turds, Beijing is pretty much the same thing except it's a firework so it explodes in mid-air, and Paris allows you to shoot a constant stream of turds, sort of like a flamethrower of diarrhea. You play a stage repeatedly, unlocking the same things in each one (higher poop capacity, highest poop capacity, double targets, quadruple targets, special weapon). If you can hit two things in a row, you get dubstep. If you miss a shot, the dubstep goes away. Once it's over, you get your score and can restart. There's no leaderboards and all of the targets feel the same - they either move across the screen or they're a trash can or something that stays in place, and if they move across the screen, they'll start running around if you barf a turd on them and eventually fall down.

The music (all two songs worth) is great and this game could actually be somewhat fun if there was a bit more variety in the experience, and if the camera could be moved around to better line up shots. Instead, the devs took the low road, making a handful of ~Youtube Celebrities~ (i.e. texture swaps of the player character) in the hopes Total Biscuit or the like will give them a shout-out, then quickly moving on to - pardon me - fart out a sequel, which grafts on a bad rhythm game framework but uses the same basic "as­s"ets.

"Bottom" line: You're paying money - sure, not a *lot* of money, but money nonetheless - for something that's indistinguishable from hundreds if not thousands of games on Newgrounds.

A proud fecal maniac like myself giving this game a thumbs-down is like some dude in a Cloud Strife costume giving a Final Fantasy VII port a thumbs-down, except instead of crying because Aeris died, I'm just a bit miffed that I never got to see her bowels evacuate post-mortem.

A cute little remake of Cestos (which itself was likely a remake of something), but flawed in its current state.

Like Cestos, the basic thrust of this game revolves around sliding little blobs around on a playfield and bumping them into each other. One mode - Last Adorables Standing - is exactly like Cestos, in that you're trying to knock the other guy's blobs off the edge of the playfield, except there's only one map here, which is a bit of a disappointment - it's not like these playfields are terribly complicated to come up with once the basic engine is written.

Three of these modes (Soccer, Volleyball, and Ice Hockey) involve a "ball" and a "goal". The only difference between Soccer and Volleyball is that in Soccer, the ball is slightly smaller, and your players can be knocked through the goal and off the map. Ice Hockey reduces the friction a little and puts the goals slightly closer together to create some "dead space" behind each goal, but it's generally the same concept.

The two remaining modes are a bit different: Capture the Flag is, well, Capture the Flag, where touching a flag-carrier in the central section of the map "steals" the flag. "Mummy" is best described as "Zombie tag" - an AI-controlled Mummy tries to knock into both players' blobs, and once a blob is touched by the Mummy it becomes a Mummy too, targeting whatever blobs remain. Unfortunately, the asymmetrical map here gives one side a permanent advantage. The Capture the Flag map is also asymmetrical, though it's slightly harder to decide which side is favored.

Games can be played as "practice" (skirmishes), a "World Cup" event where you play the Soccer mode using World Cup rules (group stages, then I assume a tournament), a "Tournament" mode where you can choose the game mode, and a "Story" mode which is pretty much just one skirmish after another. Online and hotseat multiplayer modes round out the bill.

So, that's the basics, so far so good, for the most part. However, now the problems begin to surface.

There is no matchmaking for online play. I don't just mean that there's no ELO or similar system to organize balanced matches - I mean that there's not even a server browser. Unless you and your friend(s) share your I.P. addresses, there's no way to play anything other than single-player or hot-seat.

Single-player is also flawed - for the most part, the A.I. just simplistically charges at the nearest valid target. In some modes (particularly Capture the Flag), this is randomized a bit, but it's still pretty basic. With such a variety of game-modes, many of them organized around the concept of "teams", it would seem natural to vary things a bit - some teams aggressively charging, other teams focusing more on repositioning themselves to secure an advantage. As far as I can tell, this isn't happening, and each A.I. team plays pretty much the same.

Customizing your little Adorables is done from a separate menu at the start of the game, with various cosmetics unlocked with in-game currency earned from winning matches. Customization is nice, but I think it's a bit of a missed opportunity - my Practice Soccer team will look the same as my Tournament Volleyball team, and changing the looks requires backing all the way out to the main menu. I think it might be more interesting if the non-practice modes had their own separate player-teams, so a Story mode team starts off as just a bunch of generic Adorables and earns their own unlocks separately from the default team.

The sound is atrocious. A five second loop of background noises (birds for soccer, crashing waves for the ship setting of the Capture the Flag and Last Adorable Standing modes, and so on), with occasional sped-up "oh no!" "goal!" and similar vocalizations.

The GUI is a bit finicky - you navigate by clicking on a "<" and a ">", but the hitboxes for those symbols only cover the intersection. If you click too far to the "open" side, you just end up selecting whatever mode is currently highlighted. Probably just as bad on the touchscreens this game is clearly designed for.

Finally, as far as I can tell, none of the longer modes saves your progress. If you want to play the World Cup mode, I really hope you love soccer, because you're going to have to play a crapload of matches in one sitting. Does your friend want to play a quick match? Too bad, you can't start up a quick multiplayer game without losing all your progress.

The individual modes themselves also suffer from various less-obvious game-design flaws - for instance, the timed modes run off an actual continuously-running timer, rather than a set number of turns, which has the consequence of encouraging players to not actually click "ready/end-turn" and just wait out the turn limit timer so they can milk the game clock. I imagine this would be really tiresome when playing online multiplayer. The "speed mode" tries to alleviate this, but really just turns the game into frenzied clicking instead, desperately trying to set move orders - any move orders at all - in the tiny window of time you're allowed. Really, a turn limit (game ends in X turns) rather than time limit (game ends in X:XX) is the way to go with this.

All in all, there's potential for fun here - especially for those of us who loved Cestos back in the day - but it's still a major update or two away.

The developer has some mealy-mouthed bulls­­h­it excuse for placing this in the "Free to Play" category, rather than the "Demo" category where it belongs. It basically boils down to "we want to sell this game on iTunes/Play Store and only want people to have to purchase it once".

Which, of course, is absolute nonsense. The devs could very easily generate a Steam Key from within the iPhone/Android version (Valve hands those out to developers like candy, little to no questions asked), and could just as easily generate a "registration key" for the mobile versions within the Steam game.

What they really want is to get a lot of downloads, get a captive audience (i.e., people actually opening the game and experiencing it), and then hope that people impulsively buy the full version once they realize this is just a demo.

I might be inclined to be slightly more charitable if the devs mentioned the full price - $19.99 - anywhere in either the Store Description, the "About the Game", or the forums thread where they try to rationalize their categorization of this game. But nah - they want you to get as close to buying the game as possible before finding out the price, which is a really scummy way of selling a game.

A lot like Spleunky, except with preset levels (not that you can really tell - most of them look about as chaotic and nondescript as the average Spleunky level), more focused on "winning" than merely "surviving", and with a lot more digging.

The platforming isn't so great - the jumping is very laggy, and you dig (well, "drill", to be precise) by holding a movement key when you're against a block. Problem being that if you're digging left or right, your character will start moving in that direction the INSTANT the block is dug out, which can result in some really cheesy bulls­hit deaths. Either having a "hold position" toggle, allowing one to dig but not move, or simply freezing the character in place when digging until the movement key is pressed a second time would help a lot.

It's not beyond all redemption and if you can get past the poor play control, there's a fair smidgen of fun to be had. If I could vote "neutral" this would be a neutral, but all in all this is more frustrating than fun, especially at $7.99. The in-game text and store description are very personable and it gives me the impression that the dev is out there and cares, so who knows, it may well get patched into a more playable, fluid state!

Reviewing games based on "potential" is unfathomably silly. Any game has the "potential" to be great. E.T.: The Extraterrestrial would be perfectly fine for a 2600 adventure game if entering and exiting pits wasn't so clunky. Pacman on the 2600 would be great if the play control was tightened and the playfield was redesigned to be more like the arcade. If Color a Dinosaur offered slightly more coloring options, and perhaps a way to print out one's creation, it would be a great little game for preschoolers. If Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 had patched out the many, many glitches, it would be great! If <X> changed the things about itself that make it a crappy game, it would be great!

Initia: Elemental Arena might have potential. I say "might" because the game doesn't even feature AI bots to allow someone to experience the basic "flow" of the game. But hey, capture-the-flag can be fun, and the moba influence here seems like it could lead to interesting diversity and techniques.

But in essence, this game is almost nothing. It's a handful of empty maps you can run around in. The maps look to be standard Unreal engine fare, neither excessively great nor astoundingly terrible within the confines of Unreal engine maps. Maybe they're balanced. Maybe they're not. The attacks may be very visceral and satisfying, or may be just as frustrating as the most finicky worst of first-person melee attacks have ever been. The gameplay may be great, may be slow, may be too quick and spammy-random - who knows!

A multiplayer-only game requires SOMETHING to get a playerbase established - a well-known developer, a publisher with deep enough pockets to fund a large advertising campaign, an industry contact who can get a game featured in a highly-watched esports event, even just being highly hyped within a specific community - League of Legends style. But a game does require SOMETHING to get it to the point where there's 50 or so people playing it at any given moment. At THAT point, you can sit back and try to let grassroots word-of-mouth turn a game into the next cascading avalanche of self-propelled hype.

This game, on the other hand, not only lacks any of those perks, but then has the chutzpah to charge $20 for the experience. It's hard enough convincing buddies to download and install a free-to-play game, let alone one of those $5'ish indie titles. But convincing seven other people to pay $20 each to play a game which may or may not turn out to be fun? Good luck, gamer.

At the time of this review, 20 people have given this game a positive recommendation.

At the time of this review, the most players this game has ever had online at one time - according to SteamCharts.com - is 4.

The bare minimum amount of players required for this game's matchmaking system to start a game is 8.

I'll let that speak for itself.

It's entirely possible that this game will end up becoming the next TF2, the next DOTA, the next Big Game™. But as of June 11th, 2016, it isn't.

If you want to spend twenty dollars right now on the gamble that at some point in the future, this game may deliver twenty dollars worth of entertainment, then you're incredibly stupid and probably either can't read this review, have already downvoted this review, or have already left a nasty comment saying that this game isn't Color a Dinosaur, there aren't even dinosaurs in it, how could I be so dumb?

For the rest of those reading this review, you'd have more fun taking that twenty dollars and spending it on booze, drugs, good food, crappy food, Netflix, Amazon, Youtube Red (lmao), Redbox (ahahahahahaha), games that you can actually play, lottery scratch-offs, or really just setting it on fire for a badass Instagram selfie.

It's a testament to sheer resolve that nowhere in this game's description - neither the brief store blurb at the top nor the more in-depth "About" section down below - are the words "jigsaw puzzle" used. Either the devs are afraid of Big Jigsaw launching a trademark infringement claim, or - and, I think, more likely - this is a product of cheeky whimsy on whoever was responsible for typing up the description text, creating a whole word lipogram for personal amusement and perhaps even verbal enrichment.

But a jigsaw puzzle is exactly what this game is. Nothing more, nothing less. As one can tell from viewing the screenshots (strange that the first five images are all of various menus or cutscenes - are the devs ashamed of the actual game or something?), these aren't the "interlocking puzzle pieces" style of jigsaw puzzles, but rather the "complex solid-color shape" variety. So, color is pretty much irrelevant (compare with most "interlocking puzzle piece" style puzzles, where you can sort pieces by color to get a rough idea of what belongs where). Pure geometry-based puzzles wouldn't be so bad, except the game wants you to complete puzzles "perfectly", without placing a single shape in the wrong place, and pieces aren't shown at their actual size until you click them to put them somewhere. It's not the end of the world, but it is a little bit irritating, and when a game is so slack-jawed simplistic, the ultimate goal is to not irritate.

There's some dull music that could easily be mistaken as "soothing" since it's neither dubstep nor heavy metal, but it's far too bland to merit adjectives of any sort - neither bad nor good, relaxing nor invigorating, up nor down. It's water, and one would be about as hard-pressed to affix an actual taste to water as one would be to write an entire English-language novel without using the letter "e", or write one hundred and forty words describing this game without using the phrase "jigsaw puzzle", or write four hundred and forty-five words reviewing this game without using the word "pointless" or the phrase "why pay money for this, especially the amount of money the devs are charging here, when this exact sort of game can be found elsewhere for free". Looks like I failed at that one, whoops.

Some lipograms are surmountable, and my hat is off to the person who wrote this game's description and to Ernest Vincent Wright, the author of Gadsby, a 50,110-word English-language novel without a single word that contains the letter "E". I clearly failed at my own lipogrammatic challenge, but hopefully succeeded - at least a little - as a reviewer of casual digital entertainment.

Do you like Bejeweled? Do you like Bejeweled 2: Electric Gemaloo? Do you like Bejeweled 3: The Return of the Jeweli? Do you like Bejeweled Twist, but wish it was a lot more like the original Bejeweled? Do you like Bejeweled Blitz? Do you like Bejeweled Stars? What exactly is a Bejeweled Star? Is there an ultra-competitive Bejeweled Progamer Scene? Does Na'Vi have a team? What about Evil Geniuses? Will it be at the next International? Oh, by the way, do you like Zookeeper? Do you like Zookeeper DS? Do you like Zookeeper DX? Are Zookeeper DS and Zookeeper DX the same game? Does anyone care? Do you like Candy Crush? Do you like Candy Crush Saga? Do you like Candy Crush Soda Saga? Do you like Candy Crush Jelly Saga? Do you like Candy Soda Jelly Crush Saga? Just kidding, that isn't even a game yet, nitwit. But Candy Blast Mania and Jewel Mania are both real games and I was wondering: Do you like those games? Do you really really really really really love moving a tile horizontally or even vertically to create a line of three, four, or quite possibly five similar tiles? Have you just screeched in real life because I forgot to mention that it's not always a line - sometimes it's an L shape of five? Are you rolling your eyes because the powerups in Candy Jelly Nutsweat Story are totallllllllly different than those in Bejeweled 5X which renders the games totalllllly different experiences?

Do you yearn to play yet another Match Three Tiles game that's almost completely and utterly devoid of even the barest semblance of originality or interesting "overworld" mechanics to set it apart from the rest of an utterly-clogged genre? Do you want some stupid ~Aztec Mythology Lore~ fairytale with characters that look like Dora the Explorer and Pocahontas and do you crave stunningly original powerups such as "clear entire row" "clear surrounding area" and, of course, "clear all of this color"? Do you want to pay $5.99 for a game whose variants can be found for free on every single app store and every single 100% BEST FREE GAMES NO SPYWARE PLEASE CLICK HERE site on the planet and that people often code for an Introduction to Programming final? Do you think I'm kidding? Are you a fat sweaty bucktoothed nerdlet? Hmm? U mad? Sweaty Jelly Crush Jewlery Nerdlet Angry?? Dirty Diapey??? Angry Baby Make Dookie Poo Poo In Diapey Diaplet???? Oopsy Baby????? Do The Poopy Doo Doos Match?????? Three Big Corny Turdies All In A Row, Such A Big Boy??????? Gobble Gobble????????

Then you'll love this game.

An underwhelming MystLike point-and-clicker with an illogical final puzzle and not much else going on. There's a bit of anxiety present, namely from what amounts to a "timer" on the screens - linger too long, and ~the scarrrry monnnnster~ approaches, requiring you to quickly leave the screen and come back - but not much in the way of actual horror, just a bit of spooky atmosphere here and there.

There's worse games out there, but there are far better ones too. $0.64 on sale is an okay price, especially if you're into trading cards, but there's also better MystLike gaming experiences to be had for free. Give it a bit of a bump if you're a speaker of Portuguese and are hungry for more native-Portuguese games on Steam, but otherwise, don't expect much here. I'd give the guy a passing grade on his Visual Arts final, with no reservations, but I can't give this a thumbs up.