Recent reviews by sencative grammer experrt

i dont remember anything about this game but evidently i played it for an hour. is this the one with the hex tiles and refineries? i guess it is. ok well if you like hexagons and refineries and board games, then you'll frickin' love this game, greed corp, if this game features those things, which i think it might.

This game is a decent engine, with potential, but also ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up and stupid. Each "race" lasts three minutes, no more, no less. You score so many more points for kills than you do for completing laps that there's literally no point in trying to race, and it just feels dumb as hell deliberately going slow in a "racing" game just so enemies can catch up so you can maybe kill them. If this game was arena-based, it'd probably own a bit, or if it was like Daytona or something where you get additional time for kills and laps, that'd also be cool. But instead it's not that cool, and in fact almost kinda sucks.

Oh my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ god this game blows chunks. Even for a 3rd person shooter, which always suck, this game sucks. There's absolutely nothing fun about this game at all, and all the characters look like Eminem, because MMORPG nerds would sooner play as a chick than as a black man. All the characters look generic, the default control scheme sucks, the game CHUGS. LIKE. HELL. (oh my god there are no words for how often this game churns your hard drive), and the levels are like twice as big as they should be. If you find yourself playing Call of Duty and thinking "gee, this is kinda fun, but I wish it wasn't first person, I wish the maps were even more spread out, and I'd really, really prefer to pay a small monthly fee for cool guns and ♥♥♥♥", then kill yourself, because Call of Duty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sucks ass, but also because it'd suck even more ass if it was this enormous tankard of molten, disgusting ♥♥♥♥.

On the bright side, there's no language filter, so you CAN cuss if you like cussing. And believe you me - I like to cuss.

This is still the best violent sandbox game ever. It's cool playing this and observing all the wicked cool a­ss s­hit and good game mechanics and thinking to yourself, "yep, they screwed that up in IV. Yep, they forgot about that in IV. Mmm-hmm, they didn't include that in IV". For variety you can occasionally get a tiny bit frustrated and go "now this is something they did a lot more of in IV" or do something tedious and Un Fun and think, "hmm, now this is an element they paid a lot of focus to in IV" or drive a s­hitty car and go "hey, now this is the kind of handling and speed that IV is all about".

GTA IV is probably the worst game ever, simply for the crime of coming after this one and being completely, completely inferior in every way, shape and form. Bigger disappointment than Duke Nukem Forever.

Wow, cool, it's exactly like Pong except get this. It's in color. It looks like an Atari game but you don't understand, it's RETRO. Sorry mates but the underlying problem with this game is that the cool songs require a lot of dots, which you'll probably miss unless you're some crazy beardo who specializes in Expert Level Pong, so then the cool songs sound screwed up and who gives a s­hit this game is dumb as hell. And I bought it. Fu­ck me unto death.

If you like real time strategy games but hate hate HATE clicking then I guess maybe this game's for you, it's kinda dumb as hell but at least you don't have to micro so hey there's that.

Wow cool it's like Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past except gayer and you're only allowed to play 10 levels or so per day before your mom comes in and says NO MORE VIDEO GAMES FOR YOU YOUNG MAN UNTIL YOU GET A JOB. And you can't say "penis".

I really want to hate on this game, but truth be told it's a pretty competent solitaire game with a "plot" that's pretty easily skipped. I don't think I'm going to be Evolving My Fairy Pets or completing the main campaign or anything, but that's mostly because I'm not a 16 year old girl.

Do you get a boner whenever you even think about hearing SID-chip music? Have you ever fixed your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ broken ass 1541 by jamming your weiner in it and using your jizz as a direct-applicant lubricant? Do you really love the ♥♥♥♥ out of squares? Then you'll frickin' love this really basic block-moving puzzle-platform game. On the other hand, if you don't like paying real life money for somebody's personal hobby project which was probably only created to force people to listen to some wretched SID artist's boring ass chiptunes, then don't buy this game.

(Rob Hubbard and Matt Gray ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ own. Whoever did the music here? Meh)

(Review text hidden)